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“Okay.” Emilio curled his hands over Spencer’s and caressed them. “Let’s get in bed, cariño. I wanna hold you, been waiting to do that all night.”
The man was so sweet. Spencer wanted to keep him, wanted it so much. He blinked back tears and followed Emilio to the bed, hoping the thumping of his heart was only loud in his own head. Emilio pushed back the comforter and crawled in, pulled Spencer in after him, and then covered them both with the blanket.
“C’mere,” he said, lying flat on his back with his arms open wide.
Though he knew getting close to Emilio would prevent him from hiding his shame, Spencer couldn’t stay away. He flew into Emilio’s arms and sighed in pleasure when the big man wrapped him in his embrace.
“It’s okay,” Emilio whispered, rubbing his back. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
He didn’t have a choice. Erectile dysfunction wasn’t exactly something you could hide from the man you were sleeping with. Spencer knew that all too well.
“You’re hard,” he whispered. Then he pushed his groin against Emilio’s hip and said, “I’m not.”
“Oh.” Emilio sounded confused. He moved his arm and started reaching between their bodies. “You want me to—”
“No,” Spencer said. “That won’t work. It’s me. Sometimes I can’t….” He sighed. “It’s me.”
They sat in silence for several minutes, and Emilio held Spencer tightly, his big hands rubbing Spencer’s back.
“It hasn’t been a problem so far,” Emilio finally said.
“I know, but before that, it was.” Spencer took a few breaths and steeled his nerves. “This happens to me, Emilio. It has for a really long time, and I can’t control it.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice breaking on the last word.
“Shhhh, come on now. So you can’t get it up one night. It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes, it is!” Spencer snapped his head up and looked into Emilio’s eyes. “I hate this! I hate that we’re naked in bed and you’re beautiful and I want you but I can’t do anything about it. I hate that when I’m at work, I can’t stop fantasizing about being on my hands and knees with you moving deep inside me, but when we’re together and you try, I push you away. I hate that I can’t control it. It’s my body, I should be able to control it!” He lowered his voice and said it again, “I hate this.”
“Okay,” Emilio said calmly.
“Okay?” Spencer sniffled and caught his breath after his outburst.
“I was wrong to say it wasn’t a big deal. I understand what you’re saying, so let’s figure it out.”
“Figure what out?” Spencer furrowed his brow in confusion. “What is there to figure out? I’m not…. My body doesn’t… I don’t work right.”
Emilio chuckled and said, “Oh no, baby, there ain’t nothing wrong with your body. You’ve been working just fine.” He peered into Spencer’s eyes. “Talk to me.”
Before he could stop himself, Spencer said, “I saw Peter tonight. My ex-boyfriend. He was at the restaurant.” Emilio tipped his chin, encouraging Spencer to continue. “He called me today, while you were finishing up the work on the house. I haven’t talked to him since we broke up, and then out of nowhere, he calls, says he wants to have dinner, spouts out the place and time, and hangs up. I sent him a text to say no but then he showed up anyway and he said….”
He let the words trail off, not sure he should continue.
“What did he say, Spencer?” Emilio’s voice was level, but Spencer could hear the anger bubbling underneath.
“He thought I was playing hard to get, thought I used to do it when were together too. But I wasn’t. I’m not.” He stared at Emilio, willing him to believe he was telling the truth. “It’s not a game. I want you, Emilio, I swear I want you more than I’ve wanted anything ever. The way you make me feel… God, I….”
Deciding there weren’t words powerful enough to explain what he felt, Spencer started sliding down Emilio’s body, heading for his thick dick.
“What’re you doing?” Emilio asked. “Spencer? What’re you doing?”
Spencer fisted the hot skin and lowered his head. “Just because I can’t get off, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I can still make you feel good.” He licked at Emilio’s crown and then dropped his mouth down over it and sucked.
“Fuck!” Emilio bucked his hips. “Spence, no.” His voice was choppy, breathless. “Spence, stop, baby, please stop.”
The words filtered into Spencer’s brain and suddenly he realized Emilio didn’t want him. That was it. It was over. Emilio was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he had driven him away. With his heart in his throat and stomach ready to empty, Spencer jumped back and scurried toward the side of the bed.
THOUGH he had no idea what had taken Spencer from telling him about something important in his past to jumping into a frantic blowjob, Emilio knew that if they were going to deal with whatever Spencer was going through, he’d have to be strong enough to resist the temptation of Spencer’s amazing mouth and get his man to keep talking.
