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“Where’re you going?” he asked as he shot up and grabbed Spencer’s waist, stopping him from getting out of bed.
“I’ll leave you alone,” Spencer said, his voice sounding shaky.
He pulled the smaller man into his arms and held him tightly, petting his hair and rubbing his back. “Like hell you will,” he grumbled into Spencer’s ear.
“But you said stop. You said—”
“Ah, Spencer.” Emilio sighed and tried to think of how to approach his skittish boyfriend. “Look, I ain’t smart like you, okay? So you gotta help me out here. I think we need to talk. Before we went out tonight, everything was in working order and now it’s not. That can’t be a coincidence, right?”
After a few seconds, Spencer relaxed, his body no longer tense and struggling to run away. He rested his cheek against Emilio’s chest. “No, not a coincidence,” he admitted. “Stress can be one of the factors for ED.”
“Okay.” Emilio let out a deep breath, relieved that he was getting things back on track. “You were already nervous about meeting my sister. Your ex called out of the blue and then showed up at the restaurant. You had a rough night, Spence. It happens. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I bet everything will be back to normal in the morning.”
“What if this is my normal?” Spencer whispered. “What if the past few weeks with you were a fluke and this is how I’m going to stay?”
Jesus Christ, as tough as Spencer was on himself, no wonder he was so stressed out.
“It ain’t gonna be like that. We both know your body works just fine. Do you think maybe everything that happened tonight just has you all wound up in your head and that’s why you can’t get it up?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
Emilio slowly slid his hand between them and cupped Spencer’s package, the skin warm and smooth and right in his hand.
Spencer quickly grasped his wrist. “Emilio, I can’t—”
“You don’t need to get hard, Spencer. I’m just touching you, okay? I like touching you.”
“O-okay.”
He kissed Spencer’s temple and gently rolled his balls. “Keep talking to me.”
“What should I say?”
“Anything,” Emilio answered. “Everything.” He leaned close and spoke quietly into Spencer’s ear, “I care about you, Spencer. You ain’t gonna scare me away. Talk to me, let me help.”
When Spencer didn’t respond right away, Emilio worried he had made a mistake by pushing too hard. But then Spencer said, “It’s not just the stress from meeting your sister and running into Peter. I’ve had this problem before, sometimes for months.” He swallowed hard. “Something happened to me when I was young, Emilio, and I… I haven’t been the same since.”
Though the thought of someone hurting Spencer made him sick and furious at the same time, Emilio knew they had to talk about whatever happened if they were going to find a way to get out from under it. So he whispered, “Will you tell me?”
“Are you sure you want—”
“I’m sure,” Emilio answered, sounding much more confident than he felt. He put his hand on Spencer’s hip and caressed him.
“I was about your age,” Spencer started. “Done with college, starting my master’s program. I had been away from home long enough that I felt safe to be myself. I’d started going out to the bars, meeting guys, having fun. Then I met his one guy, and it seemed like it could be more than just a good time. We started dating. I slept with him. It was good. I was happy.”
As jealous as he had been when he had seen Spencer comforting his student or when Alicia had said Spencer’s ex had asked him out, Emilio didn’t feel a twinge of the green monster right then. Spencer’s calm, even tone scared the hell out of him. He pulled his man close, not letting him forget that whatever happened in his past, he was safe now.
“Then one day, I saw him on campus,” Spencer continued. “He was with a girl. They were kissing. She was wearing a ring, a huge diamond engagement ring.”
“Oh, damn. What a fucker!”
“Yes. He called me that night, asking to come over. I told him what I saw, told him it was over between us. And I refused to see him after that. But he wouldn’t stop calling and saying he wanted to explain, that it wasn’t like I thought, and then one night, I went out drinking with my friends and he was waiting for me when I got home. He begged me to let him in so he could explain. I figured he’d say his piece and then he’d finally leave me alone, so I agreed.”
Spencer paused and tilted his chin up, making eye contact with Emilio for the first time during the conversation. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
No, he wasn’t, but he nodded anyway.
