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“He said his fiancée had nothing to do with us, that we could keep seeing each other, said he knew I liked having sex with him. I called him an asshole and told him to leave.” Spencer took in a shaky breath. “He said he was going to remind me, going to show me that he was good for me. He… he was bigger and I was drunk and….”
Emilio rubbed circles on Spencer’s back.
“After he was done, he went into my bedroom and went to sleep and the next morning when he was leaving, he kissed me good-bye. Like everything was normal, like he hadn’t…. I switched schools. Made me lose a semester, but it was worth it to make sure I wouldn’t have to see him again.”
“Did you tell anybody? Did you call the police?” Emilio asked.
“No. There was nobody to call. You already know how things are with my family. And what would I say to the police? We’d had sex dozens of times. I’d let him into my apartment. I was drunk.” Spencer shook his head. “Nobody would have believed me, and even if they had, then what? A trial? Testifying? No. I wanted it to be over. So I left and figured that would be the end of it. He didn’t know where I was. He’d get married and forget about me, and I’d move on, put the whole thing behind me.”
Trying to think of what to say, Emilio kissed Spencer’s forehead. “You did it, right? You finished school. You have a great job and a house and a life.”
“I do, but when I’m with someone, every once in a while I think of that night and I freeze up. It happens a lot if I try to bottom, and even if it doesn’t, it’s never as good as it used to be.” Spencer trembled. “I used to love it, the stretch, that full feeling, moving together.” He sighed wistfully. “Loved it.”
Emilio moved his hips away so Spencer wouldn’t feel his suddenly throbbing erection. Damn, he was a bastard for getting aroused during that conversation, but he couldn’t help his reaction to hearing Spencer talk about how much he enjoyed getting fucked.
“Spencer?”
“Yes?”
Hoping he was doing the right thing for both of them and not being selfish, Emilio said, “Do you want to try? Will you trust me to keep you safe and make you feel good?”
“I want to. But what if I can’t?” Spencer asked, sounding petrified. “What if I won’t get hard? What if I freak out when you try to… what if I’m not strong enough to ever get past this?”
With his heart breaking, Emilio kissed Spencer’s ear, his jaw, his neck. “Aww, cariño,” he said. “Don’t you see how strong you are? I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t be scared if they went through what you did. But being scared don’t mean you’re not strong. Nobody was there to help you, but you took care of yourself, you kept your life on track, you made a success of yourself. I don’t know anybody as strong as you, Spencer.”
They lay in silence, their bodies wound together.
“It’s late. Are you tired?” Emilio asked eventually.
“Yeah. Are you?”
“Uh-huh.” Emilio held Spencer close and kissed his shoulder. “Let’s go to sleep. Tomorrow’s a new day, right? We’ll figure this out.”
“Okay.” Emilio’s eyes fluttered shut and he’d started drifting off to sleep when Spencer whispered, “Emilio?”
“Yeah?”
“I know we haven’t been together very long and it might be too fast for me to say this, but….”
Emilio put his hand on Spencer’s neck and rubbed his thumb back and forth in a slow, petting motion. He could feel Spencer’s heart racing. “Tell me,” he begged, his voice rough.
“I love you,” Spencer said.
“I love you too, cariño.” Emilio smiled and buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck. “I love you too.”
Chapter 14
USUALLY Spencer woke up slowly. He’d float in and out of consciousness for a while and even when he finally crawled out of bed, he was groggy until his second cup of coffee. But Saturday morning he awoke in a flash—deep sleep one second and wide-awake the next. Every minute from the previous evening was front and center in his mind, but after a good night’s sleep, things felt less dreary, more hopeful.
It was Saturday, which meant Emilio didn’t have work. Spencer sat up, tilted his ear toward the door, stayed perfectly still, and listened. He heard sounds coming from the other end of the house, proving Emilio was home. With that piece of information confirmed, Spencer relaxed despite all the memories bouncing around in his head. Being fresh on the outside often made him feel cleaner inside, so he figured a shower would help get the day off to a good start. So he stretched his arms up over his head, yawned, and then climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
