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“I had sex with both of you. Neither instance was planned.”
“Do you regret it?” Cal asked. His blue eyes holding a hint of fear, and I couldn’t lie. We were past that. All of us were past that.
“No,” I said softly. Then, the strangest thing happened. Both their shoulders relaxed just a fraction. Time passed slowly, and there I stood in front of two men I loved…my heart torn into ragged halves and they each held a piece in their hands.
“Tell me what you want,” Cal said. A small smile threatened my lips. He was so good at swooping in and saving the day. While Jack stood still, his jaw ticking and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He wanted to tell me how it was going to be. And part of me wanted to give him that burden and let him.
But I had to find the balance. For myself.
“I love you,” I said honestly. Cal smiled and then I looked at Jack, who looked ready to break
something. “And I love you.” The heat in his dark eyes simmered and a streak of vulnerability crossed his face, as if he wasn’t expecting to hear those words from me. “You both hurt me. And I can’t commit to anything, or to either of you. I won’t.”
Cal glanced at the floor and Jack took a step forward. Crossing his arms, he unleashed a wicked grin.
“Is that right?” he asked with enticement in his voice. I was challenging his control. Telling him what I would and wouldn’t do and he wanted to play “make Lana heel to my will.” And it was a sexy, fun game. One we’d undertaken several times when we were together. That was the past, though. Things weren’t the way they’d been when I was first with Jack.
“That’s right,” I said, lifting my chin with the smallest hint of confidence I felt. Confidence Jack helped me find in the first place. Confidence Cal helped me keep after the fact. Everything was jumbled and mixed, and I couldn’t tell which way was up. I could only hope I’d eventually make it to the surface.
“You said you won’t commit to either of us,” Jack repeated my words and tilted his head to the side. “You still have yet to answer my question.”
My lips parted briefly, and I didn’t know what to say. Cal seemed to catch onto Jack’s line of questioning. He examined me like he would his fire truck before taking it out on a call. Intent and thoughtful. A gleam of hope, tied with a sexy smile cracked his handsome face.
“She’s not sure she can stay away,” he said to Jack. Jack simply nodded, his eyes staying on me the whole time. “She won’t commit, won’t choose…”
“But, she won’t give rules on fucking,” Jack finished.
“This isn’t some twisted challenge I’m putting out there,” I defended quickly.
“Uh-huh,” Cal said with a wink. “Putting it out there or not, if you say there’s a shot with you, Kitten, I’m going to take it.”
“There isn’t.”
Jack tsked. That devilish mouth making me want a lot more than a lecture. “Don’t go fibbing now.” He took another step, then another, until he was face to face with me. He whispered into my ear, “Your body gives you away.” He ran the back of his finger over my nipple. My hard, pouting, nipple that had Cal’s mouth on it only an hour ago. The slight feel of his touch grazing the sensitive flesh snapped firecrackers down my spine. “I think there’s more than a chance.”
Cal cleared his throat from behind Jack and I looked at him over Jack’s shoulder.
Jack backed away, grabbed one of the bags by the door that he’d brought, and headed down the hall. Cal followed suit, grabbing a second bag and patting me on the butt and winking at me as he went down the hall next.
I marched down the hallway and saw two bedroom doors, one on each side of the hall. Jack stood in one entry way, Cal in the other.
“Two bedrooms?” I asked.
Cal nodded.
“Where am I supposed to sleep?”
“You tell us, baby,” Jack said with a steady tone. “You’re the one in charge, right? The one making the rules.” He glanced at Cal. “I don’t know what the hell went on between you two while I was gone, but she used to like giving up some of that control and letting me have it.”
Cal shrugged and leaned against the doorway with all the casualness in the world. “Ah, she’s a spirted one. Stubborn. But she likes to take the reins now and again. Sometimes you have to give it to her.”
I realized what had happened. The dynamic had shifted. I was up against not just Jack, but Cal too. And I was in trouble.
Because I was finding it hard to breathe just hearing them talk like this. Like they knew me. Because they did. And the worst of it was, they were both right. But getting caught up wasn’t smart, and this time at the cabin would already be difficult as it was. Now that Jack and Cal had the upper hand, knew there was a chance, they were fighting dirty. And I couldn’t deny sleeping with either of them, or wanting to end everything between us.
I was in big trouble. I could hold to my no commitment policy. I could also hang on to the fact that they hurt me. But sex? The consuming way Jack looked at me and Cal smiled my way? That was going to be the real challenge. Every second reminded me of why we worked so well, in different ways. And nothing about this situation would ever work. Ever.
In fact. It had ended. Gone up in flames the night my house burned down and the truth came out.
