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Sighing, I closed the menu without reading it.
“You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
The bartender came over, and Gabe ordered for me anyway: marinated artichokes, pan-seared scallops, and a martini.
“I can’t really argue with that,” I admitted.
“Good.” He squeezed my thigh again.
I took a shaky sip of my martini. While we’d been resting upstairs, I’d had a thought. An idea…about how to fix our non-orgasming intercourse. If we only had four nights left together, I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. I needed to be with him, the way only we fit together. If I had to leave him, I wanted to have the memory of his hands on my body.
But I didn’t know how to tell Gabe what I wanted. I didn’t even know how to admit it to myself.
We finished our dinner and drinks in record time. It was as if there was a large clock near us, counting down the hours until the exchange. Neither of us mentioned it, but we both felt the urgency, the stress. Gabe practically threw me over his shoulder on the way upstairs. The distance between us from earlier seemed to have receded. A hot desire burned between my legs as I remembered our sex from a few nights ago—with the plug. “Make you forget. Take your mind off things…” Gabe’s words echoed in my memory.
That was what I wanted. I wanted him to make me forget, the way only he could.
I was glad Timmy wasn’t in the elevator with us, because it gave me the opportunity to press myself against Gabe. I stroked his erection through his jeans, desperate to salvage the evening.
“Jesus, babe—stop. I want to actually be inside you when I come.”
A thrill went through me, and I rubbed his crown one last time before letting go. “I think I’m…feeling more like myself.”
“You mean, you want to go look at cellular slides? Or did you have something else in mind?” He gave me a teasing grin.
“Something else.” I licked my lips. “I want you to do all sorts of things to me right now.” The words came out fast and hot, before I had the opportunity to censor myself.
Gabe arched an eyebrow, his eyes glittering. “What sorts of things? I’m very curious.”
“I don’t know…” I let my voice trail off as the elevator got to our floor, then grabbed his hand and hustled him to the room.
“You seem to have some sort of plan.”
I’d been distracted and holding back before, but now, my need was urgent, consuming me. There was a sharp pang between my legs. I needed Gabe to fill me, to make me forget, but also to remember that I was here, right now.
With him.
I couldn’t share my fears—that I might be taken from him this week. I didn’t want to say it out loud, because Gabe would lock me up. I clung to him, on the edge of tears, emotion churning through me.
We locked the door behind us, and I kissed him deeply, our tongues lashing, my heart racing.
I wanted to feel something sharp, something jarring that would make me never forget this moment, and block out all the other troubling thoughts I was barely managing to keep at bay. Once we pulled apart, I looked into Gabe’s eyes. “I want you to…spank me. Before you fuck me.” My breath came out in a rush. “While you fuck me.”
He took a step back. “You don’t need to be punished, Lauren. This isn’t your fault.”
“I’m not asking to be punished. I just want to…feel something. Something bright—something sharp.” Something that would make me feel an emotion other than loss, a loss I couldn’t bear to face. “Like the other night…with the plug. You made me forget. I just want to feel something big, to block everything else out.”
“Was earlier too…vanilla for you?” He looked wounded.
My shoulders slumped. “Of course not! No one’s more vanilla than me!” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “But I want something…more intense. I just want to feel your hands on me. I want you to take over…be in charge of my body…make me feel alive, the way only you can.”
The muscle in his jaw jumped. “I’m not going to hurt you, babe. I don’t have that in me.”
I shook my head and moved closer to him. “I’m not asking you to hurt me. I’m asking you to make me feel something bigger than the pain I’m feeling inside right now. I want you to make me forget. I want you to just make me feel. Just feel you.” I reached for him, my heart hammering in my chest. “I want this—just for now. Will you do it?” I reached down and stroked his cock through his pants again. “For me?”
His eyes darkened. “You’re not playing fair.”
