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“Well, you have time. Just do what makes you happy,” my mom says easily and I wish it was only that easy. “I do–I have some questions,” she says and I hear her voice waver.
“About what, Mom?” I ask her easily. As if I don’t have a clue.
“About a boy. Ashleigh said you did date him, Nathan Hart?” my mom says as if it’s a question.
“I did, Mom,” I tell her and nod my head. I’m surprised my voice is so upbeat and that I can pretend it’s alright.
“And what about now?” she asks me and I wish I had an answer for her. “The papers make it seem like–”
“The papers lie, Mom,” I tell her quickly and a little agitation slips out. “Can I tell you all about it tomorrow?” I ask her and I feel like I’m lying to her because I already know some of it I won’t tell her. And other bits I won’t have answers to.
“Sure, baby,” my mom says softly as if she knows how much I’m hurting.
“I love you, Mom,” I tell her as my emotions start to surface. “I have to go.”
“I love you too, Harlow,” she says but she’s already lost my attention. A car screeches to a stop in the middle of the road and then reverses. I hang up with my mom, letting the phone fall to the seat before jamming the keys forward and starting my car.
My heart races. Stupid, stupid.
Frantically, I look back at the car as it pulls into the lot. Even though his face is a mix of anger and worry, everything inside me settles and I drop my hand to my lap.
It’s Nathan. Even as he quickly parks the car and slams his door shut on his way to me, I don’t have an ounce of fear in me.
I don’t know how he found me, but he did.
Chapter 23
Nathan
* * *
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I practically scream as I rip the passenger side door open and slam it as I fall into the seat. She’s got to be out of her mind.
She wasn’t at her parents’ house, or her aunt’s on the other side of town. I thought maybe she’d go to the school. All Nancy said was that Hally wanted to go home. But I couldn’t find her anywhere.
The last thing I thought as I went to drive by my old house, was that she’d be here. I was just retracing our steps from when we were kids, praying that’s what she was doing too.
“Stop yelling at me and telling me what to do,” Hally snaps at me the moment I look at her. My hands clench into fists and my jaw tightens as my teeth grind.
“You don’t get to control me,” she adds and then seems to settle down, but it’s because she thinks she’s won this round. And that’s bullshit.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell her simply. I try not to make my words sound harsh. I try to say it like a statement, like a fact. She should know better.
I almost tell her those exact words, but it’ll just set her off. So I wait. I hold my breath until she concedes.
“I know,” she says after a moment and reaches behind her to put her cell phone in her purse, which is at my feet. “I was just leaving,” she says as she turns to sit straight in her seat. She doesn’t look at me and I get the impression she wants me to leave.
But I can’t go that easy. I can’t just let her walk away.
“Don’t shut me out, Hally. I fuck up; I know I do. But I’m here and I want to be here. Please don’t push me away. I can’t take it again.”
She seems to soften slightly, and I keep going. It’s a sign that she’s listening at least and I don’t even know if I deserve that much.
“I have problems,” I start to tell her and I don’t know exactly how to say what I need to say, but I just keep going. “I don’t have people in my life. I never really did except for you, and I know I do stupid shit.” The words fall out of my mouth as if they’re pushing each other to get out and go to her. Like everything in me has been waiting to tell her exactly how I feel. “I’m not good with words or with being there for people because I don’t know how. But Hally, for you, with you, I want to do it all right. I want to be the man you need and deserve, and I refuse to be anything else.”
Hally watches me, searching my expression for something, although I’m not sure what she’s looking for. “I hope you believe me,” I tell her. “You can talk, and I’ll listen. We can start with that, and I’ll learn. I promise I will.”
