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I only stop speaking because she reaches out to me, putting her small hand against my cheek and I lean forward, wanting more of her touch. My lips graze her palm as she pulls away and I snatch her wrist, refusing to let her go until I can plant a kiss there.
My fingers loosen and I watch her as she withdraws again. My heart beats slowly, each thump noticeable until she answers me.
“Can we start now?” she asks me and for a moment I’m confused. “Can I ask you something?” she asks. I look out of the window at my car and then to the street. I’m tempted to tell her no, that we need to leave. But I can’t tell her no.
I nod my head and she asks, “Do you ever think about it?”
“All the time,” I answer her quickly and it’s the truth. I’ll never forget it. “The sound of,” I pause to swallow before continuing and she interrupts.
“His head cracking,” she says as she stares out of the windshield and looks at the brick wall of the church.
“No,” I answer in a breath and she looks at me. “Of you crying out for help.” I’ll never forget how terrified she was. What almost happened to her will haunt me for the rest of my life.
She steadies her bottom lip in her teeth, refusing to cry as she turns away from me again.
“Talk to me,” I tell her, reaching out and resting my hand on her thigh. “Please,” I beg her.
“I wish you hadn’t pushed me away. I needed someone, Nathan.” Her admission makes me feel like less of a man. I only pray she can forgive me. It’s all I need.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I left you,” I tell her as my eyes stare deeply into hers, the seriousness beneath the sincere vulnerability enough to paralyze me. “I’ll never throw you away again.”
I can tell it hurts her to hear what I’m telling her. She covers her face with her hands and lets the tears fall.
“I won’t let you leave,” I breathe the words. “Fight me, hate me, whatever you need … Just don’t stop loving me.”
Her lips turn down and her forehead creases. “Nathan, you have no idea, do you?” she asks me and her words are filled with nothing but sadness. My heart doesn’t beat until she finishes her thought. “I could never stop loving you. I just don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how to make us work.”
That’s all it takes for me to reach across the seat and wrap her in my arms. Everything feels right again when she holds me back. Her cheek rests against my shoulder as I whisper to her, “I’ve made so many mistakes, but pushing you away was my greatest sin.”
I kiss her hair, her forehead, every inch of her that I can without letting her go.
“I love you, Hally, I always have. And I’ll tell you every day.” I run my hand over the back of my neck and throw my head back to mutter, “Twenty fucking times a day,” before looking back into her beautiful blue eyes. “Whatever it takes for you to believe it.”
She stares back at me without saying a word, just watching me spill every bit of truth to her that I have.
I whisper my greatest insecurity, “I can’t lose you again.”
Hally’s hesitation kills me, every second making me exceedingly more nervous that this is the end.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for this world,” she tells me. “I don’t want to risk my heart with you again. Not if it’s just going to be shattered.”
“Then we don’t go back,” I tell her quickly. Problem solved.
She stares at me with disbelief.
“We can go anywhere and do anything, Hally. You name it, and it’s yours.” It’s really that easy for me. I’ll live to make her happy. To keep her with me until the day we die.
“You really love me?” Hally asks me and I hate that she questions it.
“Of course I do. I mean it when I say I always have,” I tell her, pushing the hair from her face. “I love you, Hally. I’ll spend every day proving it to you if I have to.”
The tips of her fingers glide down my forearm as she looks me in the eyes and says, “I love you, too.” I already knew she did. What I don’t know though, is if it’s enough. If I’m enough.
“I just want you.” The words are raw and full of nothing but the truth. “Don’t leave me,” I beg her again.
She closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. “I promise I won’t if you won’t,” she whispers.
“Then you’re mine forever.”
Chapter 24
Harlow
* * *
“Don’t forget to smile,” Nancy whispers as I prepare to head out of St. Gerard and back to normal life. Semi normal. As normal as it will ever be, I suppose.
