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I can’t even walk into my bedroom without remembering the look on his face when he backed away from me. Or the way he sounded when he said, “I can’t.”
I only manage to sit in my apartment for a whole hour before the walls close in on me and I need to step outside and get some fresh air.
I walk around my neighborhood, my mind a million miles away as I move past my fellow pedestrians and my favorite Chelsea shops.
It doesn’t take long before I’m standing in front of Jovial Grinds.
Desperate to talk to the one and only person who might be able to help me sort this whole mess out.
The instant I step inside the front doors, Lena looks up from a display of bagels and meets my eyes. Between one blink and the next, her face goes from carefree to concerned.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asks, and the worry in her voice is the last emotional straw.
The dam breaks, and I just start sobbing right there, in the middle of the damn coffee shop.
Without hesitation, Lena moves around the counter, wraps me up in a giant hug, and gently guides me toward the back, far away from the customers.
Surely, no one can enjoy their coffee with a woman bawling her eyes out in the middle of the café.
Once we’re behind a closed door, she sits me down in a chair, and I look around the room to find a fridge and a table and a few small lockers against the wall.
“Is this the break room?”
“Yep.”
“This isn’t at all how I pictured it.”
“Girl, focus,” she says on a sigh. “What is going on?”
“Well…” I pause and my lip trembles, but the emotion lodged in my throat doesn’t stop me from word-vomiting pretty much everything that’s inside my head. “Apparently, this virgin is still a virgin because no one wants to have sex with her. Oh, and I’m in love with Milo, but he doesn’t love me back. Like, at all. Honestly, it’s quite possible that the thought of me naked is repulsive to him.”
Her mouth goes unhinged. “What?”
“Last night, after we left the club,” I start to explain. “We went back to my apartment and things were getting kind of hot and heavy, and I decided to go for it, you know? I decided to just put myself out there. So, I got naked and I tried to seduce him into having sex with me, but when I asked him to, you know, have sex with me…he got all weird and got off the bed and then…” I pause as tears start to slip from behind my lids. “He said he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t have sex with me.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
“Well, shit,” she mutters, and her face morphs into utter shock. “I didn’t expect that to happen.”
“Yeah.” I half snort, half cry and bury my face into my hands. “Join the damn club.”
She stays quiet for a long moment, and eventually, I lift my head and search her eyes.
“What?” I question through a sniffle. “What does that expression on your face mean?”
“I’m just trying to wrap my mind around it all,” she says and reaches out to brush a lock of hair behind my ear.
“Well, there isn’t anything to wrap your mind around,” I grumble. “Milo isn’t into me like you thought he was.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“How is that bullshit?” I question with a little too much annoyance. “I basically threw myself at him last night, and he told me he couldn’t do it. He left my apartment while I was still naked on my damn bed, Lena. It’s not bullshit. It’s reality.”
“Did he leave because he wanted to, or did you ask him to leave?”
“What does it matter?” I spit. “He left. End of story.”
“Actually, it matters a lot, honey.” Her voice is soft and caressing, and it only enrages me more.
“I know you think you know everything there is to know about men, but I’m telling you, when it comes to Milo, you were dead wrong.”
“I know you’re upset—” she starts to say, but I cut her off.
“Upset?” I spit again. “I’m not just upset, Lena. I’m embarrassed. I’m mortified. I’m fucking heartbroken!”
When the word heartbroken leaves my lips, my chest tightens and the tears flow down my cheeks like a waterfall.
God, this is horrible.
And, not only is this horrible, but I’m now lashing out her. Lena. The one person who offered up her friendship on a silver platter and hasn’t been anything but the best kind of friend to me.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter through my tears, and she doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around my shoulders. “I’m so sorry for being such a bitch. I know none of this is your fault.”
“Girl, I get it,” she whispers and rubs a gentle hand on my back. “And I wasn’t exactly being a good friend just then. What happened last night was fucking terrible, and I think you just need a little time to process it. You don’t need me analyzing something so vulnerable right now. You just need me to be here. To be a friend.”
