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I shook my head. Like the little kid who thinks if they hide their head under the covers everything will disappear, I hoped he'd drop the issue.
He cradled me tighter. I could feel his chest rumble as he continued to talk. "I want you to listen to me." I felt him kiss the top of my head, and then his fingers stroked my hair. "Don't be embarrassed. I love that you're responsive to my touch. It's a real turn-on. I can't wait to see more of that."
My head shot up. "You're not upset?"
He looked truly puzzled. "Why would I be upset?"
My face felt firetruck red. I almost never talked about sex with anyone, much less the person I'd had sex with. Well, other than maybe exaggerating or outright lying about the experience, that is.
"Um, because you didn't get anything out of it? I'm so sorry, Jax. That was so not like me. I mean, I'm not a virgin, but I don't usually have that reaction. It usually takes more to...oh, my god...I can't believe I told you that. It's just this...you're used to...I know I'm different..."
Strong but gentle hands pulled mine away from my face, and he looked me right in the eyes. "You're right. You are different. If you were the same, I'd be pounding you into the couch right now, then thinking of ways to show you the door and get you to leave. Instead, I'm thinking of all the excuses I can to get you to stay." He grinned a little wickedly. "And all the ways I want to get you to come. In the future, that is. Remember, this is new for me, too. I want to take it slow."
I tilted my head to look at him. "I practically mauled you like a bear."
He chuckled. "If that's how a bear mauls, I should spend more time camping in the mountains."
I smacked playfully against his chest, then dropped my eyes downward. "Are you okay down there? Maybe I could—"
He smiled ruefully. "If you don't look at it or talk about it, I'll recover."
I couldn't believe he was turning down an opportunity for relief.
; He must have known what I was thinking because he shook his head. "It's my greatest desire we get there, Grace. Hopefully, soon. But if we go any further tonight, it won't mean more, at least not to me."
He shrugged, and I knew he was trying to say: he wanted to treat me differently from other women, that I was more to him than just a warm place to bury his dick. I think I might have fallen even further for him at that moment.
I still worried about this sudden shift for us. Earlier today he was scowling or ignoring me, and I was determined to get him out of my mind. By nightfall, he'd changed his mind about us, gotten into a fight over me, and given me an orgasm on his couch.
And I'd let him.
I believed him when he said he wanted more. But if he was inspired to change based on fear, what would it be that spooked him to give up on us just as quick? I wasn't naive enough to believe we were ready to pledge a happily ever after to each other, but I was scared that this would be short-lived, and my heart would be the collateral damage.
He shifted me from him but kept me by his side. I looked at him, and he was smiling down on me with a different look than I'd seen in his eyes before. I'd seen intensity, anger, humor. But this was different, more like contentment mixed with bewilderment.
It wasn't so different than how I was feeling. Together, hopefully, we'd figure this out.
Deciding to go with wherever this took us and to enjoy our new peace, I curled into Jax's side. We decided to watch a movie together, both of us opting for a recently released popular action and suspense movie. I was grateful to avoid anything with romantic elements; I knew it would only take another kiss like the last one, and I'd fall right back to where we'd started.
It was a loud movie, full of explosions, cursing, and a lot of shouting. I snuggled into Jax's warmth, tired from the events of the day—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Despite the noise, I felt my eyes grow heavy. On screen, I heard a man called out as if his life depended on it. "No! Don't! Stop!" The man's cries sounded more like begging.
I felt a sudden jerk under my cheek, and my eyes flew open. The movie was over. At some point, Jax must have turned off the tv, and he and I had fallen asleep on his couch.
He twitched beneath me, moaning. “Stop! Please!”
"Jax?" He stilled for a few seconds, then cried out again. "Jax, honey, wake up." I stroked his face, trying to ease him into wakefulness.
His hand caught mine and jerked it away from his face. "Get the fuck off," he roared. He threw his weight sideways, dumping me onto the floor. I cringed as the coffee table caught my elbow and the side of my face.
I laid there, stunned. "Jax?"
Suddenly he sat up, blinking repeatedly. His chest heaved as he looked around with a confused expression. When his eyes landed on me on the floor, his mouth dropped open. "Grace? What happened?"
I struggled to my knees. "You were having a nightmare. You were calling out in your sleep, and I had a tough time waking you."
He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands over his face. He blew out a long breath, then looked at me more carefully, his eyes widening as he stared at me. "How did that happen?" His fingers brushed across my cheekbone.
