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To her credit, she didn't flinch, but she did curl and bite her lip. "Will you tell me why?"
I'd lost a lot of sleep last night, trying to determine how much I should share. I wanted to be truthful, but spilling all the details probably wasn't necessary since the verdict and sentencing were over. "He was hurting someone I cared about, but she disappeared and was unavailable to testify on my behalf. He came from a powerful family and had more resources than I did, so I took a plea bargain figuring it was a shorter time than what the prosecution might have pushed for. In the end, I was probably lucky the state allowed the deal."
Mary remained quiet when it was obvious I had no more to say. I continued to stare at the couch as I had during most of my statement.
"Well, things have certainly been very difficult for you." I breathed a little easier when I heard her voice maintain its smooth, easy-going manner, but I was still nervous about what she'd say next. "The way I see it, it would be understandable if you were bitter and angry. And yet I see before me a young woman who is trying to move forward and reclaim her life. There's no doubt you'll be shaped differently than you would have been, but that doesn't make the mold any less worthy. It might even make you stronger."
I jerked my head up to look at her. She gave me a gentle smile. "Madelyn, what happened to you is unfortunate. However, I’m impressed by you and your honesty just now. I think you were the perfect choice for the release program with the law firm, and I think, pending the rest of the application process, you deserve a chance here as well."
I broke out in a huge smile, mixed with a little shock.
She held her hand up. "I'll still need the letters of recommendation, and it will be on a trial basis with plenty of monitoring. And you still have to complete the academic competency tests, which if you have the time, you can get started on right now. And, at least for now, you won't be allowed to tutor in person. It will remain limited to the computer."
I nodded eagerly, still struggling to
find the right words of gratitude. "Thank you so much, Mary. You'll never know how much it means to have this chance."
She clasped my hand that I held out. "Actually, I do. That's why I wanted to meet you. My story isn't the same, but someone gave me a chance once, and I'll never forget it. Perhaps when there's more time, I'll share it with you. Maybe someday you'll be in a position to do the same." She squeezed my hand again and stood "Now, let's see what you can do on our evaluation so we can see where we can best utilize your talents."
She led me down a dimly lit hallway to a small room, sort of like the computer lab we had in my high school. She used the mouse to click on a few buttons and gave me simple instructions. She left me with paper, pencil, and a calculator and then left me alone. About an hour and twenty minutes later I came back to the front desk.
Mary looked up in surprise. "You're done already?"
Her tone worried me. "Did I forget to do something?"
She tapped at her computer and studied it for several minutes before glancing up at me with wide eyes. "Did you say you only finished high school?"
"I, um, well, I wasn't able to graduate with my class, but I was allowed to take my finals and send them in. I had enough credits to be considered finished, so I have a high school diploma. And I took a couple of online college classes in math while I was, well, you know..."
Mary nodded and continued to scroll her screen, then swiveled her chair to look directly at me.
I bit my lip as I looked at her. "Did I not do well?"
"Well, not only did you score extremely high on the English and history portions, but you have a perfect score on the math section." She turned the computer screen to show me.
"Oh," I chuckled to cover my embarrassment, "I like math. It's always come easily to me."
"Well, that's our most requested subject for help, so we need all the math experts we can find," she assured me. "I’ll send you home with the rest of the application, and as soon as you're able, bring it back with some letters of recommendation. I look forward to hearing back from you, Madelyn."
I accepted the papers she held out to me. "Thank you, for everything."
She smiled and nodded, and seconds later I was on my way home, smiling big and with a new bounce in my stride. Tomorrow, I was going to find that hair salon!
8
Holt
I sighed and leaned back in my chair and rubbed my hands over my tired eyes. I'd read the same paragraph for the past thirty minutes, but I may as well have been staring at black and white hieroglyphics for all I got out of it.
Why the hell I'd chosen to drown myself in legal documents instead of a bottle of Macallan Scotch might have been a serious misjudgment on my part. Today marked an anniversary of the worst day in my life. Had it really been five years since I buried Claire? Five years since I had to yield her to the cold, hard ground rather than the security of my arms?
On good days, if I closed my eyes, I could still feel her warmth pressed against my body; I could hear her sighs as I moved my mouth along her soft curves. But other times, like today, all I could feel was her weight as she collapsed in my arms, and the only sounds were my anguished cries as I begged her not to leave me.
Time had eased the daily heartache, but it hadn't healed the hole in my heart. It was always a day I struggled to get through, even years later. But four hours ago when my buddy James called and invited me out, I'd been determined that for the first time in five years I could handle the memories that were stronger today than other days. However, as the office area grew quiet, my thoughts grew louder. All of the sudden pep talks from my family caused the tug and pull of my emotions to be worse. They didn't understand the promises I had made, the reassurances I had given.
The guilt I felt.
It wasn't as simple as they wanted me to believe.
