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It finally registered that he was talking about the vomit I’d spewed all over my lap earlier. Humiliation coursed through me as I nodded my head. “Right,” I whispered. “I…I can do it,” I said, though, in truth, my body hurt too much to imagine doing even the simplest of tasks. Taking that sip of water had cost me dearly. I didn’t even remember putting the glass on the nightstand, but it was there so either I had done it or Lucy had.
God, why couldn’t I think more clearly?
“Do you think you can make it to the shower?” Cain asked as he peeled the blanket away from my lap. Even though all I’d spit up was a mix of saliva and water, it was still a mess. I probably should have been more bothered by the fact that I was now completely exposed to Cain, but somehow the sight of my naked body bothered me less than the sight of my sick clinging to my skin and the blanket.
I felt tears prick my eyes. A shower sounded like a combination of heaven and hell. From the moment Eric had pulled free of my body the day before, I’d wanted nothing more than to scrub away every remnant of his touch from my skin.
I shook my head.
“What if I help you?” Cain asked.
I managed a nod because despite the shame of what that meant, I really wanted that shower.
I didn’t look up from my lap as Cain’s weight shifted off the bed. I felt one of my arms being lifted and draped over a pair of wide shoulders.
“Swing your feet over,” Cain said quietly. I managed to stifle my cry of pain as my body rejected the move. I felt an arm go around my waist and then I was being carefully pulled upright. I immediately felt the urge to vomit again, but luckily, I managed to quell it. Cain did most of the work after that. With every step we took as he practically carried me to the bathroom, I was dimly aware of his clothes scraping over my bare skin.
Blessedly, it wasn’t a long distance to the attached bathroom. Cain had me sit on the closed toilet. It occurred to me that I should probably make use of the facilities while I was in there, but the idea of telling Cain that had me keeping my mouth shut. Luckily, the lack of food and water had made it so it wasn’t a pressing need. Not to mention that my ass hurt so bad that the idea of using the bathroom left me cold all over.
Another round of tears threatened as I settled my hands on my lap to try and cover my flaccid cock. I kept my eyes on the ground as Cain got the shower going. A sliver of relief went through me when I saw that the owner of the cabin had installed a handrail in the shower. Which meant even if I needed help getting into the shower, at least I’d be able to stand on my own once I was in there.
And that meant only another minute or two of humiliation and then I’d finally have a few moments to myself to try and pull it together.
That was my thought.
Reality, as usual, turned out to be a cruel bitch.
Because as soon as I latched my hands on the rail and Cain removed his arm from my waist, my knees buckled. I would have hit the tile had Cain not had the reflexes he had.
I lost it at that point. I was just done.
Utterly done.
The sobs crawled up from my belly so painfully that no amount of wishing them away would have mattered.
I had nothing left.
I stood there, naked and broken with water raining down on me and finally wished Eric had finished what he’d started yesterday.
He’d won.
Even if I was still pulling oxygen into my lungs, he’d won.
I let my knees buckle hoping Cain would just let me slide to the ground and leave me there in peace, but I wasn’t that lucky. I waited for him to pull me back out of the shower, but he didn’t. Nor did he say anything. I was barely aware of him shifting his body a few times, but I didn’t have the energy to look at him or even beg him to leave me alone.
All I had was grief.
Grief for everything I’d lost. Grief for the man I’d once been…that foolish, stupid man who’d walked blindly to the gates of hell and begged to be admitted.
Cain finally moved me, but it wasn’t to help me out of the shower. No, it was to move me forward, and to my disbelief, I felt his big body pushing up against me as he climbed in with me, fully clothed.
A new round of wracking, painful cries erupted from my throat at the gesture and I wanted to both tear myself away from him and lean back against him at the same time.
