AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Not even close.
No, he hadn’t touched me much, not physically anyway.
But he’d done so much more.
Every word he’d spoken, every whimper that had fallen from his lips…even the fact that he’d trusted me so completely despite what his piece of shit ex had done to him just two weeks ago was proof enough that what Ronan had predicted had happened.
Ethan was touching me even when he didn’t lay a finger on me.
And I’d never felt more at peace in my life.
But the future was a big sticking point for me. I’d meant what I’d told Ronan…if Ethan were forced to continue to hide, even after we eliminated Eric as a threat, I would go with him no matter what. But as much as I wanted to be with Ethan, I couldn’t wish a life of running on him, even if it meant a future with him was more certain. No, he deserved to be with the family he loved and who loved him back. Even if I couldn’t share that life with him.
“You okay?” I heard Ethan ask as his hand settled over my heart. It seemed to be a favorite position for him. Or maybe it was because I’d limited him to so little of my body.
“Yeah,” I said. I thought back to what Ronan had said about letting Ethan decide what was best for him. I reached for the light next to the bed and turned it on. Ethan buried his face in my chest while he let his eyes adjust. “Sorry,” I said as I dropped a kiss to the top of his head. “But I need to ask you something.”
“S’Okay,” he murmured sleepily.
I waited until he was able to look at me before pressing him onto his back. “Hi,” he said with a happy smile.
He’d been doing that a lot lately. I hoped I was the cause.
“Hi,” I whispered before settling my mouth on his. I felt his fingers thread through my hair and shivered at how good at felt. I was so ready to see how good it would feel having him touch me everywhere. But I needed to make sure he and I were on the same page before this went any further.
I forced myself to release his mouth and said, “When things go back to normal, I need to know if you still want this…me.” I put my finger over his lips when I saw that he was going to answer me right away. “I need to know if you still want me even if I can’t change…if I can’t be that guy.”
“What guy?” Ethan asked softly.
“The one in your letter…that damn goodbye letter,” I growled as even the thought of him having had to write that letter pissed me off all over again. “The guy who loves your family as much as you do. I’m not saying I couldn’t love them or that I’d ever make you choose between us because I wouldn’t,” I said hastily. “But I may never be that guy who watches football with your dad at Thanksgiving time or goes fishing with your brothers or dances with your mother at our wedding-”
“Our wedding?” Ethan interjected, his pretty green eyes going wide and his lips spreading into a big smile. “You think about stuff like that?”
“Focus, Ethan,” I said with a smile. “And yes, I think about stuff like that because you’re it for me.”
He grinned and then dragged me down for a kiss. I let him take control of it before pulling back and shaking my head.
“Right, focusing,” he said quickly as he tried to pull his face into a mask of seriousness. “Is it my turn to talk yet?”
“Not yet,” I said, though I was the one having trouble focusing now because that happy look was back and more prominent than ever. But reality forced me to sober. “I promise to try all that stuff, but I need to know if I can’t be that man, that you still want this…me. Truth, Ethan,” I reminded him.
He scowled at me at that, but it didn’t last long. “Okay, is it my turn now?”
“Yes,” I said with a sigh because I knew he hadn’t really thought about it.
“Don’t do that,” he ordered and then he was pushing me onto my back. I didn’t even feel the slightest bit of anxiety as he settled his weight on me. “Just because I already know the answer to your question doesn’t mean I didn’t think about it, Cain. It just means I don’t need to think about it because I’d already come to that decision on my own. First, my dad hates football, but my brothers love it. Dad’s the fisherman so just swap the two and your examples work. And you shouldn’t dance with my mother because she’s a terrible dancer. But more importantly, I don’t need you to change because I love you. Not some version of you that you think is better because there is no such thing. I want the version of you who thinks this version of me is just perfect and doesn’t care if I gain ten pounds or fifty or that I like nerdy things or that I get too emotional sometimes.”
