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“Okay, Henry, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered to the baby as I carefully removed him from the car seat, kissed his forehead and placed him in the crib. I made sure to tuck the caterpillar toy next to him since it was his favorite.
I closed the door partially since Dina tended to run the TV too loud. One of the few items I’d bought brand new was the baby monitor system. I’d learned early on that Dina was a heavy sleeper and rarely heard Henry crying without the benefit of the monitor. As I walked back out into the living room, I looked around for the receiver for the monitor to make sure it was somewhere Dina would hear it. I found it on the coffee table, but froze when I saw what was next to it.
Powder residue.
White powder residue.
I looked up and searched out Dina in the kitchen and saw her eyeing me as she drank what the normal person would assume was some kind of juice, but what I knew was more vodka than anything else. The woman arched her eyebrow at me and I knew she was daring me to say something about the evidence that was staring me right in the face.
Drugs.
She was fucking using again.
And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
Maybe if she had even the tiniest bit of interest in being an actual parent to Henry, I could have played on that and threatened her with calling Children’s Services, but we both knew I wouldn’t do it.
Because I would be the one losing something, not her.
I was such a selfish son of a bitch. Despite knowing what a shitty mom Dina was, I didn’t want to let go of the only real joy I had in my life. And Dina knew that and she ruthlessly used it against me. A few months after Henry’s birth, I’d gotten the idea in my head that maybe I could be Henry’s dad after Dina had once again lamented his existence. I’d let the idea curl around inside me for so long that it had soon become my only thought, and I’d started having dreams about watching Henry come running out of school at the end of the day and jumping into my arms and calling me Daddy. I’d known it wouldn’t be easy, but considering all the money I put towards Henry’s care as well as my own portion of the rent for my father’s apartment, I’d been certain I could make it work.
I’d approached Dina with the idea a few days later, even offering to let her still be a regular part of Henry’s life. I’d thought for sure she’d go for it.
She’d crushed my dreams as easily as she crushed cigarettes beneath the heel of her shoe. She’d asked me why she’d ever get rid of a cash cow as valuable as her son to a chump like me…at least for free, anyway. What had followed had been one of the sickest things I’d ever heard in my life and any pity I’d once felt for the woman who’d been foolish enough to get involved with my brother had evaporated.
She’d offered to sell me Henry like he was nothing more than a used car.
I ignored the queasiness in my belly as I left Dina’s apartment and went upstairs to my own. Phoenix was waiting for me in the car, but I knew if I lingered too long, he’d come up after me. It had taken every promise I could think of plus a few passes of my mouth over his to get him to agree to give me ten minutes. It was only the reassurance that my father was working that had likely been the real reason he’d agreed.
If I hadn’t been so distracted by the turn of events with Dina, I would have used the time to mull over the day Henry and I had spent with Phoenix. It had started off pretty damn rocky, but boy, had it ended well. After waking up in Phoenix’s arms, I’d gotten to watch him sleep for a while until Henry had started to stir. I’d tried to get out of bed without waking Phoenix up, but I’d barely managed to shift my weight off his chest before his eyes had opened.
Then he’d smiled at me.
A sweet, soft smile that had left me feeling warm and gooey inside. I’d ended up kissing him again, though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t since the man was just too damn intoxicating. Things had gotten hot and heavy very quickly, but true to his word, Phoenix had backed off as soon as I’d become overwhelmed.
While I’d gotten Henry changed and fed, Phoenix had disappeared, only to reappear with a few beach toys including a small shovel, bucket and plastic molds. They’d been geared towards a child’s use, but I hadn’t commented on that fact. I hoped Phoenix might tell me about the mysterious child in his life at some point, but I wasn’t about to pressure him to do so.
