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“What happened once you guys got out of there?”
“I’m not sure. I heard Jed and Ricky arguing about getting rid of their knives. Jed wanted to throw them in the lake. I passed out after that. When I came to, I was in the hospital. My dad was in the room with me. He warned me to keep my mouth shut and to let him do the talking. I found out later that he’d told the people in the ER that I’d fallen through a glass window and that was how I’d gotten hurt. Everyone seemed to believe him and I was too scared to tell the truth. I saw the news the next morning about the kid and his parents. The kid made it, but the parents didn’t.”
I allowed myself to look at Phoenix. “You want to hear the most fucked up part?” I didn’t wait for him to answer because I didn’t expect him to. “They brought the kid to the same hospital as me…he was on the same floor.”
Phoenix stiffened and his eyes went wide. I let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, he was three rooms down. I heard the nurses talking about him. They’d had to put him into a coma or something…to let his body heal. I was terrified Ricky would find out, but luckily my dad didn’t make the connection and I knew Ricky wouldn’t be coming to see me in the hospital. But even with him right there, on his fucking deathbed, I still didn’t do anything. No Ricky around, no Jed. Hell, my father didn’t even stay past the time it took him to make sure I wouldn’t rat on Ricky…I had dozens of opportunities to tell someone. But I didn’t, and you want to know why?”
“Why?” Phoenix managed to ask, though from the expression on his face, I knew I’d managed to shock him.
“Because I knew Ricky would kill me. It didn’t even occur to me that if I told, I’d spend the rest of my life in prison or that Ricky would too. All I could think was that Ricky would string me up like he had Mrs. Hurley’s cat.”
I shook my head and dropped my eyes again. I’d hoped I’d feel some measure of relief after finally telling someone the truth about that night, but all I felt was cold and empty. I waited for Phoenix to say something, anything, but I heard nothing.
And the longer the silence lasted, I knew the pipe dream I’d had that he might somehow forgive my sins, even when I couldn’t, had been yet another one of God’s punishments.
“I know you don’t owe me anything, but I need a favor,” I murmured. “I need 24 hours to get Henry situated. I’ll go to the cops then. You have my word.” I kept my eyes averted as I climbed off the opposite side of the bed, the side Phoenix wasn’t sitting on, in the hopes that I wouldn’t see that look of disgust I’d been waiting for. I knew he had no reason to let me go since my word meant shit to him after everything I’d just told him, so I held my breath as I walked around the bed and towards the door. But when I didn’t hear anything behind me, no shifting on the bed, no footsteps, I quickened my pace.
I’d just made it to the bedroom door when fingers closed around my upper arm and dragged me backwards. Phoenix’s hand slid around the back of my head.
“So that’s it?” he asked as he pressed his forehead to mine. His arm went around my waist. It felt so good having him touch me, that I had to bite back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“I mean so little to you that I don’t even warrant a final look?”
“No, I-”
“Do you think me telling you I loved you came with conditions?”
His question caught me off guard. “Finding out you’re in love with a murderer is a pretty damn good condition,” I said.
“You’re not a murderer,” he bit out. “You were a kid, Levi. You got caught up in an impossible situation and you did the best you could.”
“I had so many chances to stop it!”
“And instead of two victims, there would have been four! That kid is alive because of you. I listened to your story, Levi. I didn’t hear one thing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome!”
I shook my head, but Phoenix snagged me by the chin and forced my head up so he could look me in the eyes. “Look at me. I’m still here! I’m not walking away. Nothing you said, nothing you did or will do changes how I feel. I love you. I’ve never said that to another person outside my family, because I don’t take those words lightly. But if you aren’t sure-”
