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“I’m sure,” I cut in and then I was lifting up to kiss him. “I love you,” I breathed against his mouth. I knew it was a mistake, but I didn’t care. It wouldn’t change anything, but I needed to be allowed to love him…to have him love me back, even if it was just for tonight. Maybe I could survive the hell of prison if I could carry this moment with me.
Phoenix’s mouth covered mine and then his tongue was seeking entry. I opened for him and moaned when his tongue swept over mine.
Yes, I was going to take this moment.
Because it would need to last me forever.
Chapter 20
Phoenix
I was pissed, shell-shocked and turned on all at the same time.
Pissed that Levi had thought he could just walk away and I’d actually let him.
Shell-shocked to learn the lengths Levi had gone to try to stop what had happened to Seth. I’d never thought to ask Ronan about how help had gotten to Seth in time, but if Levi’s call had gone through, I had my answer.
And the turned-on part was pretty obvious because Levi was trying to climb me like a tree as his need grew. I knew I needed to stop all this and talk to him about T, but my body wasn’t cooperating.
Neither was Levi because his hands were all over me as his tongue dueled with mine. When we were finally forced to come up for air, he whispered, “I want to know what it’s supposed to feel like.”
“What?” I asked.
“Making love,” he murmured. He began pressing soft kisses against my mouth. “I want…I want to know what having a man inside of me is supposed to feel like.”
I stilled at that because it was the last thing I’d expected to hear. “Levi-”
He put his finger over my lips to stop me from talking. “You said sex is something that should be freely given, not taken. I know you said I could be inside of you, and I want that – I really do. But I want to give you more than my body. Ricky, the men in prison…they took something else from me. I want it back.”
I knew exactly what he was talking about. The violations he’d endured hadn’t been about stealing sex from him. No, it had been about taking away his power, his control, his ability to choose. Fucking me might give him some of those things back, but it wouldn’t be the same.
Because he needed to choose to give himself to me. And he needed to know that he could change his mind at any point.
His trust in me was humbling, but it also frightened me. I had this one opportunity to undo some of the damage that had been done to him…to make him see that he had worth…that he was worth fighting for. He wasn’t that terrified little boy whose voice no one had heard when he was being tortured by the brother who should have protected him. And he wasn’t the broken man the fuckers in prison had left humiliated and bleeding on a dirty shower floor.
He was my Levi.
My beautiful, brave, kind-hearted Levi who continued to get up no matter how many times he was knocked down.
I used my hands to caress his face, mindful of the bruises. “You can say no. Anytime, no matter what. This isn’t something I need in order to be with you.”
“I know. And I know you’ll stop if I can’t find the words to tell you myself.”
I nodded and then leaned down to kiss him. His mouth moved hungrily over mine, so I used that to gauge his reactions as I ran my hands all over his body. The only time he wavered was when my hands roamed over his ass, but his tension was a fleeting thing. But I knew I’d have to go slow, because it would take just one wrong touch or word to send him right back to the past.
I lifted him up and was pleased when he instantly wrapped his legs around me. It was a short walk to the bed and when I laid him on it, I let some of my weight press down on him. Levi kept his legs wrapped tight around me, but when I straightened so I could remove my shirt, he released me and levered up on his elbows to watch me. I’d always kept my body in prime condition because it was a requirement of the job, but knowing how much Levi enjoyed it was an added benefit. After tossing the shirt aside, I put my hands around Levi’s hips and gently pulled him towards me so his ass was closer to the edge of the bed. The position would come in handy shortly.
I helped him sit up and then reached down to lift his shirt off. He tensed briefly, but didn’t try to stop me. His eyes were bright with desire, so I knew he was still with me. As I drew the shirt over his shoulders, his hands came to rest on my hips and then slid down to explore my outer thighs. His gaze went to the bulge in my jeans before he lifted his questioning eyes to mine. I nodded, since it seemed like he wanted permission to touch me.
