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"Probably for the same reason you came over. I didn't want to be alone."
"So what do we do now?" I asked. "I know I need to stop this, but I can't. I won't."
The admission was a tough one for me to make, both because it exposed my vulnerability and because I was admitting that he had a hold on me that I couldn't control, that I wouldn't control.
"I'm not asking you to stop."
His words caught me off guard and I found myself jerking my head in his direction. "I told you, I don't want a relationship."
"And I told you I didn't want to be a one-night stand. But I'm not asking for a ring on my finger, Matias. Just don't ever walk out on me like I'm not even worth saying goodbye to."
I leaned in and palmed his cheek before admitting something that I hadn't been willing to even admit to myself. "I knew that day in the shed wouldn't be goodbye, Sam. I was just having a hard time accepting that because once with you should have been enough, but it wasn’t. Just like twice wasn’t enough." I kissed him softly before adding, “And three times…”
With that, I closed my mouth over his and when he kissed me back, I knew the time for talking with words was over, which was a good thing because I’d been on the verge of admitting a very dangerous truth that I wasn’t ready to face.
There was no such thing as “enough” when it came to Sam.
Chapter 16
Sam
It became a frighteningly familiar routine over the next two weeks.
My days were spent doing normal dad things like getting Ryan up and ready for his day, driving him to his various therapy sessions, and spending time with him at school as he continued to recover from the fear of what had happened with Blake several weeks earlier. My nights, every single one of them, were spent in Matias’s arms. Granted, I never actually slept in them, but I wasn't complaining. The man was insatiable when it came to sex, but it turned out that I was too. We'd spend hours every night making love and then Matias would ultimately leave and I’d try to sneak in a few hours of sleep before starting the day all over again.
And before I started counting the hours until I saw Matias again.
Matias and I were seemingly both getting what we wanted. What was happening between us most definitely wasn't a relationship, because the majority of it was spent in bed. Or in the shower. Or on my bathroom floor… Or any of the other dozen places in my room that we'd lost ourselves in one another as my son had slept just a few doors down the hall. And I'd gotten what I wanted because Matias always kissed me goodbye before he left. At least when I was awake, anyway. There had been a few times when I'd nodded off as we’d both been recovering from our mutual orgasms and I’d found myself waking up the next morning alone with no memory of him leaving, but still feeling strangely content in the knowledge that he hadn't just walked out on me.
So it wasn't a real relationship, but it wasn't just a hookup either. Matias continued to do little things around the house, either while I was gone during the day or during those nights when I'd fallen asleep before he left. Sometimes it was as simple as a loose drawer handle getting fixed and other times it was more complicated like the locks on my doors being changed. In either case, I had to believe that he wouldn't be taking the time to make sure my son and I were both comfortable and safe if he was only interested in having sex with me.
Ironically, when Matias installed the new door locks, he didn't keep a key for himself, even though I’d suggested that he do so. No, he continued to pick the locks every day to let himself in. When I’d pointed out the fact that he still seemed to have no issue getting into the house, he'd merely winked at me and said that he was the only one who would be able to get in. His blatant arrogance had made me smile. Still, I’d decided to make things easier for him one day by leaving the back door unlocked for him. He'd been beyond pissed at me for risking my and Ryan's safety. That, in turn, had gotten me riled up and we'd ended up having our first semi-fight since we'd started sleeping together. We’d had to do the whole thing in hushed whispers since Ryan had been asleep, but the making up part had all been worth it. Angry sex with Matias was just as incredible as every other intense encounter we'd ever had together.
