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After two weeks, the novelty of being with Matias should've worn off. But if anything, it only intensified. When I wasn't with him, I was thinking about him. My curiosity about his past grew and grew the more time we spent together, but I knew that the topic was off-limits. And, of course, that just made me wonder why he was so adamant about not wanting to be in any kind of relationship. Not that I thought we could actually have one. I was still convinced that Matias just had some weird infatuation with me, maybe because I was older or because we were so very different, so I did my best not to envision a future with him.
Easier said than done.
There were two aspects of my life that I wasn't ready to let Matias be a part of, even if he'd shown any interest in them. First off was Ryan. Matias hadn’t had any kind of interaction with my son since the night of the attack and I planned to keep it that way. Ryan was already struggling with the trauma from what Blake had done to our family, and I wasn't sure if Matias would be some kind of trigger for him. I was also very protective of my son’s feelings and while I thought Matias was a good man, I had no idea how he'd react around a kid, let alone one with special needs. I hoped with all my heart and soul that Matias would be like his brother when it came to Ryan, but I knew it was a tall order, especially since Matias and Cruz had such different personalities.
While I knew that Matias would never intentionally hurt Ryan, I also knew that he likely wouldn't be as patient and tactful when it came to my child. Cruz was a natural when it came to interacting with Ryan. The younger de la Vega brother had a much more easygoing nature and was quick to laugh and smile. He was an open book when it came to his feelings for Elliot, whereas Matias's feelings and emotions were locked behind a vault that was guarded by a fire-breathing dragon that had broken the key into a multitude of pieces before swallowing it.
The other aspect of my life that Matias couldn't be a part of pertained to Cruz and Elliot. I felt beyond ashamed for lying to my son and his boyfriend about what was going on between me and Matias. Granted, I knew that Elliot didn't need to know the details of my sex life, but to me a lie of omission was still a lie. If it had been any other man in my life, I likely would've told Elliot because I knew my son would've supported me. But the fact that I was sleeping with his boyfriend’s older brother, a man who was still considerably younger than me, was a pretty big complication. Fortunately, since it was only a physical relationship that had to eventually die a natural death, I could still justify my silence on the matter.
"Dad, are you here?" I heard Elliot call from the front of the house.
"Back here!" I yelled.
Ryan's computer voice began saying, "Elliot! Cruz!"
"Hang on, buddy," I called to Ryan before stepping from the sink to the table so I could release the brake on the wheelchair. Ryan pressed the side of his fisted hand against the joystick so he could move the chair in the direction of the front door. I followed him to the living room and smiled as Elliot, then Cruz, bumped fists with him.
"Did you get it?" Ryan asked excitedly. Although my son wasn't able to speak on his own, there was no missing the excitement in his voice, even if it was a computer-generated one. It had taken Ryan a long time to learn to use the communication board that was linked to his computer. I was beyond grateful for the technology that allowed my son to look at images on a board and have a computer relay those words to the people around him. Once people understood that Ryan could still communicate just like anyone else, it was easier for them to treat him like a regular kid. Of course, there would always be those who wouldn't get it, but I was always glad when I could use the opportunity to educate someone about Ryan's condition rather than excuse their ignorance.
"I got it," Elliot said before he pulled what looked like a DVD from his messenger bag.
"Are you kidding me?" I said when I saw what movie it was. "El, he's not old enough—"
"Am!" Ryan said. "Please. Will not get scared. Not like you."
I eyed my youngest. "Excuse me?" I said with pretend irritation.
Ryan did his lopsided, sheepish smile. "Frozen, Dad."
"Hey," I protested. "That ice monster was scary!"
