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"You story, Dadda," she said. Moments later, another man came hurrying into the kitchen. He was a big guy with no hair and seemed to be about the same age as Declan.
"Sorry, sorry," he said as he entered the room. "She got away from me." The man scooped up the little girl and added, "She used diversionary tactics." He grinned with pride before his eyes settled on me. His expression quickly faded. "Everything okay here?" he asked before looking at Declan with concern.
"Yeah," Declan said as he put his hand on the larger man's arm. "Jagger, this is Sam Wittier. Sam, this is my husband, Jagger. You met Ren at the door."
"Declan's other husband," Jagger added. He obviously wanted to see if I had something to say about their unconventional relationship. I also got the impression that he was sending me a silent warning of sorts.
"Babe, can you read Jordan her story tonight?" Declan asked softly. His fingers moved over his husband's forearm. It reminded me of the few times I'd found myself doing the same thing to Matias to try and calm him.
"No, Dadda Dec-an," the little girl insisted. Declan immediately crouched down to her level and pulled her into his arms before lifting her with his good arm.
"Daddy Declan will tuck you into bed, okay? Why don't you pick out a different story for Daddy Jagger to read you and if you're still awake when I'm finished, I'll read you our story. How does that sound?" he asked the little girl. She nodded eagerly and pressed her head against Declan's chest.
"Sam, I'm just going to lay her down and then I'll make those calls. I won't be long, I promise."
I nodded.
Declan turned to leave the kitchen, but when he saw that Jagger wasn't moving, he said, "Babe." Jagger tore his eyes from me and looked at his husband. Declan held his husband’s gaze which was enough to get Jagger moving. His hand went to the middle of Declan’s back as he accompanied his husband and daughter out of the room.
The intimate scene made me want to cry. Declan was living a life Mac and I should've had. As much as I wanted to hate Declan for taking that from me, I couldn't find it in myself to wish that he hadn't found that happiness for himself. I wasn't sure what had changed because in the years after Mac died, I'd wanted Declan to hurt like I had. Even after he'd saved Elliot's life, I hadn't been able to just say that all was forgiven. And I wasn't saying that now.
I sighed as I stood up because it was all just one big mess. I didn't know how I felt about anything anymore. All I knew was that I was terrified that I'd never see Matias again. That was about the only reality I could deal with at the moment.
As I began pacing again, I found myself being drawn more and more to the wall of pictures across from the kitchen table. There was no particular order to them. There were some of just two of the men, some of all three, some of the kids, and some of groups of different people. My eyes settled on a photo that was clearly some kind of wedding ceremony for the three men. While I'd heard of some gay men choosing to live in threesome relationships, I'd never actually seen one in person. It seemed incongruous to me that three people could be in a loving, committed relationship, but looking at the three men smiling back at me from the picture, I knew it had to be possible. The absolute joy on each man's face as they held on to one another was proof that it wasn't just some gimmick or fad.
My heart thudded painfully in my chest and I found myself twirling the ring on my finger as I thought about what my wedding to Mac would've been like. Right on the heels of that thought came the realization that I never would've met Matias if I hadn't lost Mac. I probably wouldn't have Ryan either. It was all too painful to think about. I was about to turn away from the picture when I heard a soft whine and then something wet and warm trailed over the back of my hand. I looked down and saw the pretty golden retriever sitting politely at my feet. It whined again and then licked my hand once more.
Assuming the dog wanted attention, I settled my hand on the top of its head and began petting the silky fur. When I sensed that I was no longer alone, I looked in the direction of the hallway and saw Ren standing in the doorway.
"Is she bothering you?" he asked.
I shook my head. "The opposite, actually."
