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Ren stepped around the corner and closed the distance between us so he could pet his dog. "She's good at that. Even if it weren't her job, I think she'd still have that instinct."
"Her job?" I asked.
"She's my service dog. She senses when I'm getting anxious. I have PTSD," he explained. "Mick is able to sense an episode and help draw me out of it before it gets too bad."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"I'm one of the lucky ones," Ren responded. "A lot of people who need dogs like Mick can't get them. They're expensive to train. It was Declan’s idea to start our own foundation to help get dogs for those who can’t afford them."
My eyes dropped back down to Mick. I smiled when the name rang a bell. "Mick," I said softly. "Jagger," I added as I remembered the name of Ren and Declan's husband.
Ren grinned and said, "It was pure coincidence. Jagger was not amused. Especially since Declan never lets him forget that he sort of shares his name with the dog."
My expression must've changed when Ren mentioned Declan's name for the second time, because he fell silent and the smile left his face.
"I'm sorry," I murmured. "Maybe I shouldn't have come here."
"If it's because you need help with something, then here is exactly where you should've come."
I found myself looking at the wedding photo again. I knew I should say something about it, but no words would come.
"Whatever it is, Sam, Declan can fix it," Ren assured me. He reached out to briefly touch my elbow. The attempt to comfort me only served to wind me even tighter.
I shook my head and dashed at the tears that were even closer to falling. I didn't know what possessed me to say what I said next, but it was out before I could stop it.
"I can't lose him too."
Mick began frantically licking my hand. Ridiculously, it was the dog's sweet concern that had me losing it entirely. I began to sob as all the fear and doubt and god-awful image of Matias lying dead in that ditch collided in my head.
"I'm sorry," I croaked and then I was turning away so I could get the hell out of there. All I wanted was to escape. I wanted to go back to my quiet, boring life. The one I'd had before Matias had driven a freight train through it. I wanted to not lie in bed night after night waiting for Matias to pick the lock on my kitchen door as surely as he was picking the lock on my heart. I wanted to go back to having the hole in my soul that I hadn’t even realized was there until I’d met the mysterious stranger who’d saved my son’s life.
How had this happened? How had I fallen for a man I barely knew?
Although my intent had been to escape the house, either my feet never moved or Ren was quicker than me because a moment later I found myself crying in the man's arms. It was painfully humiliating, but instead of pushing him away, I found myself wrapping my arms around him and just hanging on. I was dimly aware of Ren telling me it was okay, but after that it was hard to make out any words because of all the white noise in my head.
Years and years of grief and pain and loneliness spilled out as I clung to a man who might as well have been a complete stranger. But my mind didn't seem to care. By the time I was able to get control of myself, I was once again sitting in one of the kitchen chairs, but I wasn't alone. Ren was sitting next to me in one of the other chairs, his hand wrapped around mine. Across from me was Declan, and Jagger was standing on the far side of the room. The little girl who’d answered the door when I’d arrived was in Jagger’s arms. She looked like she’d been crying and I wondered if my own breakdown had triggered one for her.
I felt like an absolute fool. I'd had plenty of meltdowns when I'd been younger, but after losing Mac, I'd had to keep it together for Elliot's sake. I'd just assumed I'd gotten stronger over the years, but the fact that I'd fallen apart so easily and in front of the very last people I should be having that kind of episode in front of was proof that I hadn't gotten stronger—I’d just gotten better at keeping things inside. That dam had been bound to burst at some point given the right trigger.
And Matias, apparently, was the trigger.
Even though I was more in control of my emotions, the need to escape was greater than ever. If I could've crawled into a hole and disappeared, I would have. The best I could do was make a break for it. "I, uh, need to go. I have to pick up my son," I said, my voice hoarse from the tears. I tugged my hand free of Ren’s and stepped around the chair and headed in the direction of the front door.
