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I’d given this particular speech plenty of times and while most people actually stood straighter or nodded their heads as they let the words sink in, Jude seemed to do the exact opposite. His eyes were shifting all over the place and he began tapping his fingers against his thigh in that pattern that was unique to him. We were in the entryway of the building and still had the main doors to go through before we entered the space where the guys would all be training or working out, so I took advantage of the quiet.
"Jude—"
"I got it," Jude interrupted as he reached for the handle of the second set of doors. I stepped in front of him and covered his hand with mine to stop him from opening the door. He immediately dropped his eyes and tried to step back. I used that to my advantage and followed him until his back was in the corner of the small vestibule.
Jude quickly realized he was trapped and tried to move past me, but it was easy enough to put one arm on each side of him and effectively cage him in the corner. He refused to make eye contact with me, nor did he fight to escape me. I was a little concerned that I was frightening him, but he seemed more agitated than anything else because he kept shifting from side to side.
I bent my head enough that my lips were close to his ear. "You are worth fighting for," I said softly. As soon as I said the words, Jude flinched. He also nodded, but he continued to refuse to make eye contact with me.
It took me several long seconds to process what I was seeing. To the outside world, Jude appeared to be one of the most secure men on the planet. I’d seen and heard him talking to clients and staff. He spoke with knowledge and confidence and never got rattled. Never in a million years would I have guessed he had issues with his self-confidence. But he clearly carried scars on his psyche… ones that ran deep and colored his ability to understand his own self-worth.
"You are worth fighting for," I repeated.
Jude nodded again and this time said, "Okay."
"Jude," I breathed right before I used my fingers to tip his chin up so he was forced to look at me. His eyes darted frantically around as if trying to find something else to look at besides me. I was patient and waited him out. When his eyes finally met mine, I said, "Jude, you are so worth fighting for."
The words hadn't come out exactly like I'd intended. They were supposed to have been a simple statement, but they'd come out more like a plea.
A plea for him to believe them.
A plea for him to see the truth.
Jude's eyes stayed on mine and his lips parted slightly, enough for a little soft breath to escape. It seemed like his whole body shuddered. I swore he seemed to relax just a little, but I didn't get a chance to confirm it by checking his fingers for that tapping because the doors behind us suddenly flew open as one of the guys left the building.
I jumped back from Jude as if burned and immediately regretted it because Jude turned away from me, his eyes filled with something that looked a lot like disappointment.
"Hey, Nik," the guy said with a wave.
"Morning, Brad. You heading out?"
The man nodded. "Yeah. Promised I’d take Abby to the zoo today. Have a good workout, you guys."
I gave him a nod and then reached for the door leading into the building. I didn't say anything to Jude as he moved past me. Whatever brief connection we’d had was gone.
Since it was still pretty early, there weren't too many guys working out. As Jude and I made our way farther into the training area, I began explaining some of what we would be covering that morning. Jude seemed distracted by all the activity going on around us. A couple of guys stopped what they were doing to greet me as we passed but Jude kept his eyes averted from all of them. It was further proof that despite his high-profile job, Jude seemed to prefer to blend into the background.
I sought out a quiet corner on the far side of the boxing ring. There were a couple of mats that would serve us well for some of the different moves I wanted to teach him. Jude was clearly nervous because he was doing his finger tapping thing, but the more I spoke, the more he seemed to be able to focus on me and just me. It took about a good fifteen minutes before something seemed to shift within him and he became an active participant in the training session. By thirty minutes in, he was fully engaged and giving it his all.
