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That would change. I didn't care how long it took; it would change. Someday he would see that I could be that outlet for him. I'd show him that.
I didn’t let myself dwell on how I’d accomplish any of that and instead focused on the here and now because Jude was here; he was with me one hundred percent. His tongue met mine in a sensuous dance as our slick bodies pressed against one another. Jude's hands went up and down my back, lighting a fire beneath my skin wherever he touched me. He’d separated his legs enough that I could fit between them, which meant our cocks were mashed together. My skin felt too hot and tight for my body as I ground my hips against his.
I'd intended to draw this whole thing out and follow through on the teasing I'd promised, but I was too far gone.
Emotionally, physically, mentally.
I just wanted to lose myself inside the man that I was already so far in love with that it scared the hell out of me. As I kissed Jude, I slid my hand down to capture his thigh as I pressed against him. He gasped as our damp cocks slid along one another.
"Lube, condoms?" I mumbled against his mouth because I really didn't want to stop kissing him.
Jude responded with what sounded like “drawer” against my mouth. I could've gone on kissing him forever if my dick hadn't felt like it was going to explode any second now. I reluctantly dragged my mouth from Jude's and leaned across him. I ripped the drawer on his nightstand open and shoved my hand inside. I easily found a bottle of lube but after tossing it on the bed, my search for a little foil packet proved unsuccessful.
While I'd been searching for what we would need, Jude had taken advantage of the situation and had started running his hand up and down my backside. So I was completely strung out when I growled, "No condoms."
It was then that Jude glanced in the direction of his nightstand drawer. His eyes jumped back to mine. "No, sorry, I meant the bathroom drawer. I don't… I don't keep condoms in that one. Just lube."
The revelation didn't mean much to me one way or another, but before I could climb off of Jude to get to the bathroom, he blurted, “It's not because I have unprotected sex!" There was a short pause as we both kind of just froze in place and then he added, “The lube is for when I feel like…"
I didn't need a light to see that his cheeks were turning red. I could hear the embarrassment in his voice as he muttered, "Shit."
With any other guy, I would've laughed, but Jude wasn’t any guy. With the way his brain worked, it was very likely that he was struggling to get his thoughts together and I wouldn’t risk humiliating him in any kind of way. As our relationship progressed, I would get better at knowing what Jude was feeling and when, but the lack of adequate lighting in the room made it impossible for me to read his eyes, so I had no way to know for sure if the moment was just humorous embarrassment or something more. So I followed my gut and kept kissing and touching him softly as he worked through whatever he was trying to say.
"Condoms are in the bathroom drawer," Jude said miserably, even as he moved his head so I could reach a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. I smiled against his hot skin. I could hear in his voice that he was embarrassed but not humiliated.
"So what is the lube in the nightstand for, exactly?" I asked him in a light, teasing voice.
Jude responded with a small shove against my shoulder. "Jerk," he said, though I could hear the smile in the word.
I grabbed the bottle of lube and leaned back enough that we could both look at it. "This is a pretty small bottle, sweetheart," I said. "I mean, I buy mine by the gallon at Costco—"
Jude gave me another playful punch to the shoulder and then he did something unexpected. He rolled us so I was suddenly beneath him. His hands closed around my wrists so he was pinning my arms to the bed. All my humor fled as Jude ground his hips against mine. The intensity between us returned as he dropped his mouth to mine. But he didn't kiss me. Instead, he softly said, "I don't keep condoms in that drawer because there isn't any reason to." Jude's eyes met mine as he continued with, "I've never had a guy here, Nikolai. Not in this apartment, and most definitely not in this bed."
My heart leapt at his admission.
Why had he made an exception for me?
