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Even after Jolene had ended the marriage, I still hadn't had the courage to pursue the needs of my body and mind. I'd been too afraid of losing my job, my son, and even possibly my life. Some of the very men I worked with had attacked a young man in town just a few months earlier because he’d dared to buy nail polish for himself. I hadn't seen the attack, but I’d heard about it afterwards and while the young man had been lucky to escape mostly unharmed, I had no doubt what would happen to me if the men I’d been toiling next to for years discovered my secret.
As I made my way farther into the bar, I searched for Travis. The place was jam-packed with people who were already feeling the alcohol they’d consumed. I got to the bar and signaled to Bull, who quickly brought me my usual—a club soda. I turned so I could watch the crowd for Travis while I sipped my drink. I couldn't quell the nagging sensation that I'd hurt him badly with my comments about my fictional outing with my son and ex being a family thing. The reality was that Travis had been a part of my family for a long time now, often spending holidays and birthdays with me, Jolene, Cameron and even Jolene's new guy, Zander.
I was in the midst of taking another sip of my club soda when I finally spied Travis’s light hair. I stilled as I watched him snake his arm around a gorgeous blonde who was practically popping out of the upper half of her short dress. Jealousy twisted through my insides as Travis leaned in to say something to Brandy. The young woman acted like he’d said the funniest thing in the world, but I knew she was just using the opportunity to throw back her head so Travis could get a better look at her already half-naked chest. When Brandy straightened and fluttered her eyelashes at Travis, he took her hand and led her toward the back of the building where the restrooms were. I felt my stomach drop out as I realized what that meant. It wouldn't be the first time Travis got lucky in a bathroom stall, but somehow tonight was different. Maybe because I'd had my own chance to know what the touch of a man felt like and had blown it.
Hal, the man I'd met at the hardware store in Casper, had been flirting with me from the start, but it had taken me quite a while to figure it out. I supposed it was a mix of the natural insecurity I felt being around such a good-looking guy when I wasn't much to look at myself, along with the knowledge that some guys were brave enough to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, that had kept me from giving Hal my name and phone number when he'd asked for it. He’d stroked my arm a few times as we’d talked and while I’d felt sparks of sensation, it'd been nothing like what I always felt when I was around Travis. When Travis inadvertently brushed up against me, it wasn't sparks that ran up and down my arm; it was this strangely delicious red-hot fire that made my entire body come alive.
I’d put the ad in the Heart2Heart classifieds after I'd randomly come across the site. While I hadn't been expecting much to come of it, watching Travis now as he pushed Brandy against the wall and dropped his mouth to hers, I couldn't help but hope that maybe Hal would show up at my cabin next weekend. I knew that was the only way I'd probably ever act on my need to be with another man.
Even if it wasn't really the man I wanted…
As I watched Travis give Brandy the very thing I'd been wanting from the moment I'd met the man, I felt a little more of me die with each passing moment. I wanted to look away but at the same time I didn't. Even from where I was sitting, I could see that Travis knew how to kiss. Despite everything that was fake about Brandy, from her unnaturally perfect hair to her more than ample breasts, I doubted she could fake her response to the pleasure that Travis's mouth had to be giving her.
I finally managed to pull my eyes briefly away when Travis's hands began roaming over the curves of Brandy's body. It wasn't the first time I'd seen Travis with a woman, but for some reason it was different this time. It always hurt to see him with someone else, but to see him with someone who was the opposite of me in every possible way beyond the obvious made it feel like little shards of glass were shredding me from the inside out.
