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Tears were filling his eyes because he hadn’t been expecting this kind of response at all. Every scenario he’d described to me had ended with Theo slamming the door in his face after telling Ford he’d ruined his life.
“You’re okay?” Theo asked.
Ford choked out a wet laugh. “I’m supposed to be asking you that.”
Theo pulled back from Ford. He was about the same height as Ford but not as well built. He actually looked a little on the thin side. And there was something about the way he carried himself that was causing my inner voice to ping me. Not in a “this guy is dangerous” kind of way… there was just something there.
I reminded myself to stop playing cop for a moment. This was about Ford and Theo getting the closure they both needed.
Theo seemed to finally notice me. He stiffened a little and stepped back from Ford.
“Um, Theo, this is my boyfriend, Cam.”
“Hi, Theo,” I said. I extended my hand, but it took Theo a moment to take it. I wasn’t sure if it was me specifically that was making him nervous or he was just the nervous type around everybody.
“Hi, Cam.” He looked back at Ford. “Would you like to come in?” he asked.
“Yeah, if that’s okay,” Ford said just as nervously.
I followed Ford into the apartment and immediately took in how threadbare and sterile it looked. The walls were sorely in need of fresh paint and had cracks running up them. The carpet looked old and badly stained. There wasn’t much furniture in the little studio-size apartment. I saw a twin bed and a beat-up rocker recliner chair in the corner with a little table next to it. There was a small kitchen and even smaller bathroom. Although the apartment had a dingy, dated look to it, it was clean. There were no pictures on the walls or sitting on any of the few surfaces, but there were books everywhere.
As in everywhere.
In a couple spots, they went almost from the floor to the ceiling. There had to be at least a few hundred books in the place. I saw various titles ranging from fiction to nonfiction. There was no rhyme or reason to the subject matter. I remembered what Ford had said about Theo always asking questions and wondering why things were the way they were. Theo had always wanted proof of things before believing in them. I wondered if the books were his way of finding that proof.
“Um, I’m sorry, I don’t really get guests very often,” Theo said as he straightened the cover on his already neatly made bed and motioned for us to sit. Theo sat in the recliner. “How… how did you find me?” Theo asked nervously. He began to rock in the recliner but I had a feeling he didn’t realize he was doing it.
“I, uh, asked Cam to see if he could find you. He’s a police officer,” Ford said. “I hope that’s okay… I just wanted to see you to… to…”
Ford paused and looked at me helplessly. But there wasn’t anything I could do for him besides squeeze his hand. “To make sure you were okay,” Ford murmured as he returned his attention to Theo. “And to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you that day.” Ford dropped his eyes and it broke my heart. In the past couple of weeks he hadn’t felt the need to protect his brain from saving images and emotions he didn’t want, so he’d been good about keeping eye contact with people. But he clearly didn’t want to have to remember every moment of this encounter with Theo.
Though I suspected he would anyway.
Even without the photographic memory, there was no way Ford would be able to escape the emotions churning through him.
“Ford,” Theo called softly. He waited until Ford looked up. “I’m okay,” he said. “I promise. And I’m not angry with you. I know why you did what you did that day.”
Ford began shaking his head. “There’s no excuse for what I did to you—”
“Ford,” Theo said, then he was moving so that he could kneel in front of Ford. He took his hands in his. “Don’t forget that I knew you back then. Really knew you. I knew what it was like for you. I knew what Jimmy was doing to you… what your mom was doing to you…”
Ford shook his head. “No, don’t make excuses for me. You should have had me punished. It should have been me that had to pay, not you.”
“God, Ford, I don’t even know what happened to you in the past ten years, but I know you’ve paid. You were paying long before we met. I can see in your eyes that you’re still paying.”
Ford seemed reluctant to release Theo’s hands so he used his shoulder to try and clean the tears from his face. “Did your parents send you to one of those places, Theo?”
