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Shame slid over me at the memory of sitting completely naked in front of Cam and not protesting in even the littlest way. I wanted to blame the whole thing on my muddled brain, but it was hard to accept that argument when I was so very aware of what I’d done right before the firefighter had arrived.
What I would have done if he hadn’t arrived at that exact moment and if Cam hadn’t moved away from me like he had.
I stared at my hands, which were resting on Puddle’s little body as she snoozed in my lap. In particular, I focused on the finger that had been playing with the collar of Cam’s undershirt as I’d mentally warred with myself about seeing what his chest hair felt like. My palm had already felt so damn hot and electric as I’d settled it on Cam’s strong throat, but it hadn’t been enough.
I’d wanted more.
So much fucking more.
The devil is strong inside you, Ford…
Reverend Page’s voice had been decidedly quiet during those few moments where I’d humiliated myself with the gorgeous older sheriff but that staid, blunt voice was back.
“What happened at Walter’s house, Ford?”
I flinched at his firm voice. I liked it better when he talked to me in that soft tone that made him seem like less of a cop and more of something… else.
I was still wearing a blanket, but it was one the fireman who’d looked me over had given me to put on after Cam had brought me a pair of sweats and a heavy knit sweater to wear. The blanket I had around my shoulders was the kind that looked like aluminum foil. I still felt chilled but moving around was easier and my mind didn’t seem as muddy and tired.
Which meant I was able to worry about poor Walter again.
“I noticed that Walter’s driveway and walkway hadn’t been shoveled… his nurse has been doing it the past week.”
Guilt went through me because as competent as Bernice Johnson was at nursing, she didn’t have a hand for physical tasks besides helping Walter get from his chair to his bed and such.
“Why did you stop doing it?” Cam asked.
Sheriff Wells, I reminded myself. I needed to stop calling him Cam, even in my mind. I’d already slipped up by letting myself call him that several times today.
I held my tongue in the hopes that Cam – Sheriff Wells, damn it – would just let it go, but of course, he didn’t.
“You said you were hoping that if you stopped talking to him, he wouldn’t call me about you.”
I ground my teeth together as shame caused my insides to flood with heat… and not the hellfire kind Reverend Page had always talked about when he’d shown me pictures of half-dressed men and asked me if the devil was still inside me. It’d been my weekly “test” and even when I’d begun lying in desperation just so I could go home, Reverend Page had still somehow known.
The shame was replaced with despair as I considered what it would be like to be sent back to that place if my mother found out the devil was indeed still a part of me.
“I’ve just been… busy,” I murmured.
I could practically feel Cam’s accusatory eyes on me. Damn it, why wouldn’t my brain call him by his appropriate name… the safe one?
My mind was too exhausted to deal with that particular fact so I didn’t try. If it was just in my head, it was no big deal. As long as I didn’t call him by his first name out loud again…
“So what happened today?” Cam said with a sigh.
“I saw the un-shoveled driveway and stuff and started to wonder. Then last night when I got home from—” I caught myself before I told him too much. “I, uh, saw that the lights outside his house weren’t on.”
I glanced at Cam, who was shooting me quick looks between watching the road in front of us.
“Why was that important?” he asked. “He could have just forgotten.”
I shook my head. “He’s lived in that house longer than we’ve lived in ours. He turns those lights on every night. And if there’s even one bulb out, he’s out there replacing it… I asked him once about it and he said something about how we need to leave the lights on so people can find their way home. I think he was talking about someone in particular, but he didn’t say that… it was just a feeling, I guess.”
We were both silent for a moment, but not surprisingly, Cam wasn’t done with his questioning.
“So you saw the lights were off and the walkway wasn’t shoveled so you went over there to check on him?”
I nodded, then realized Cam might not have seen the move, since he was driving. “Um, yeah. I tried calling him first, but when he didn’t answer I started to get nervous. I hadn’t seen his nurse for a few days either. So I went over to his house. I could hear Puddles barking inside after I knocked. I know where the spare key is hidden so I let myself in when Walter didn’t answer.”
