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I was using Cam and he had no idea. He assumed my tears were only for Walter, but they were for so much more.
More people.
More emotions than just guilt and fear.
There were probably even some thrown in there for me, which just made me feel like more of a shit because I didn’t deserve to cry for myself. I’d hurt way too many others for that.
I told myself to stop, to man the fuck up, as Jimmy would say, but the tears kept coming. My head and throat began to hurt, but when Cam began whispering things in my ear about how everything would be okay and he’d help me, I was a goner. I threw the blanket off and practically tried to crawl over the armrest between us so I could cling to him like a broken child.
“Shhh, I’ve got you, Ford,” Cam said softly to me right before his lips pressed against the spot where my neck met my collarbone. The kiss wasn’t overly sexual, but my body didn’t care. Nor did it care that we were in his SUV on the side of a public road where anyone could see. I didn’t care that he was considerably older than me or that he was a cop or that he held a position of authority. I didn’t care that I was supposed to hate him for what he’d supposedly done to my family.
And I didn’t give a shit about letting the devil inside me take over… again.
The armrest kept me from climbing into his lap like I wanted, but my roaming hands made up for it. His back was so hard and broad that I couldn’t stop running my hands up and down it… I felt like an animal clawing at its mate. My lips sought out Cam’s neck like he’d done to mine, but there was nothing gentle about the way I latched onto his skin. My body’s instincts had fully taken over and my mind was happy to give up the battle for a bit. I ran my tongue over a corded muscle in Cam’s neck and then sucked hard on the spot. He tasted of sweat and salt and something else… something that had my cock responding. White-hot heat streaked through my body, but my hands were too busy trying to find more of Cam’s skin to do anything about it.
“Fuck,” Cam groaned as he tipped his head back, exposing his neck to me. I nearly growled in victory at the sign of submission. My fingers clawed at the collar of Cam’s shirt so I could get my mouth on the chest hair that had fascinated me so thoroughly back in the house.
“Yes,” Cam breathed as I nipped, licked and sucked at the little bits of his chest I could get to. His hand covered the back of my head to hold me in place, so I repeated the move until I heard him whispering my name over and over. His free hand had managed to make its way to my lower back, but when he cupped my ass, I froze. The move allowed Cam to use his grip on my hair to force my head up. His hold wasn’t painful as he tipped my head back, but it was demanding and needy.
And it brought back the memory of someone else who’d kissed like that… and how much I’d loved it…
Cam’s mouth was just centimeters from mine when awareness came back to me like a bullet tearing through my skin. The last time I’d indulged in my body’s unnatural needs, it had cost me nearly everything.
“No,” I cried as I slammed my hands against Cam’s chest and shoved him back hard. “No!” I repeated and scrambled backwards until my body hit the door. I snatched the edges of the foil blanket and wrapped it around me like some kind of shield.
“Ford—”
“I’m sorry, Cam… Sheriff… I didn’t mean to do that.”
I didn’t look at Cam because I knew what I’d see.
Disgust.
Pity.
“Ford, did I do something wrong? Did I scare you?”
I shook my head violently. “I shouldn’t have done that. We shouldn’t have done that. We need to pray for forgiveness, Sheriff. With prayer comes absolution…”
I shut my eyes and started reciting the prayer Reverend Page and I had always said when I’d had sinful thoughts. I knew I should have reached for Cam’s hand so that the power of our prayer would be even stronger and hopefully reach our Holy Father’s ears faster, but I couldn’t make myself do it. If I touched him again, I’d probably end up letting the devil inside of me tell God to just fuck off and let me have this one thing.
I was about three lines into the prayer when the car suddenly jerked forward. I was so surprised that I opened my eyes and looked at Cam.
