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“Chicago, you were doing so good.” He stepped back, releasing his hold of her. She instantly missed his embrace. “I’m disappointed in you.”
She’d let him down in some way. “What do you mean?” she asked, feeling the sting.
The playful Reed was gone. Here, in front of her, was the serious Reed, the demanding Reed, the dangerous Reed. If not careful, she would lose her heart to him even though he would most certainly crush it. Where was Sawyer? God, she needed him to run interference for her. He’d shown another side to him when they’d made love, but at his core she knew Sawyer would do his best to make sure she was okay. Reed wasn’t afraid to push her, to test her limits, and that was something she was anxious about.
His eyebrows shot up. “You’re lying to me about why you’ve stayed in a station where you believe you only have two friends who give a damn about you and the rest would rather see you go. Right?”
“It’s a very long and complicated story, Reed.” She dropped her gaze to the floor, but he cradled her chin in his big hand, gently urging her to look up. She did and saw his unblinking stare, which reached into her and squeezed more than his hug had earlier.
“Tell me why you stayed. Be honest.”
“I can’t fail my grandfather. I can’t. It’s not right. I will do what I have to do. You said it yourself. Shit happens. That’s life.”
“True, and you said that it shouldn’t be that way, and I’m beginning to believe you might be right. Someone as amazing and courageous as you shouldn’t have to face such things alone.”
“Maybe not, but I have. I will continue to get through whatever the day brings me. You see why I get you, cowboy?”
“You think you get me, Chicago?” He tilted his head to one side.
She nodded. “You’re angry. You’re sad. You’re so sad. You feel an aching emptiness in your very gut and still you go on. You do what you have to do. So do I. I told myself a million times it would be better to leave the force and go get another job, but I can’t. Hell, I won’t. I’m not someone who waves the white flag. Neither are you, right? You’ve been shrinking away from life with a wicked laugh and lusty grin hoping no one will see past your mask. I’m not someone who gets people normally, but I get you. I recognize the pain in you. Mine is different but the impact is the same. Is that why you go to the club? Is that why you run to that kind of life? So you can remain alone and cut off from everyone even in a crowd?”
“No,” he said, his fingers sinking into her hair. “BDSM is about control, Chicago. I need it to the very depths of my being. It makes sense of the world to me.”
“And it protects you from opening up to others, too. Right?”
“Quiet,” he snapped, tugging on her hair. “You want to know about the life, then listen good. There are loving relationships that are formed and solidified in the lifestyle that Sawyer and I practice. Long term, unbreakable relationships. BDSM is about trust, plain and simple. The more a sub trusts her masters the more pleasure she enjoys and the more satisfaction her Doms get.”
“I get that, Reed. My question is so what is holding you back from choosing a sub for you and Sawyer? Sawyer seems ready to settle down. You don’t. Am I wrong?”
He released her hair. “Doesn’t matter if it’s me or Sawyer or both. It is what it is.”
“The hell it doesn’t. What are you afraid of, cowboy?”
He jerked her back into his body. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Really? Now who is lying?”
“Tell me this, Nicole. How long are you in Destiny for?”
“You know that already. A week or so.”
He kissed her, pressing his lips to her mouth. She kept her eyes open, watching his go hazy with desire. Her own passion was heating up to a roaring blaze. She felt her toes curl and a tingle spread from the center of her abdomen and out through the rest of her body.
Suddenly, Reed ended their kiss. “Run back to your desk, Chicago. That’s where you belong. I belong here. You worry about your life and I’ll worry about mine. It’s the way it’s got to be.” And then he walked into the cabin, leaving her alone with the half breaths he’d created in her with his kiss.
Chapter Eleven
Reed stared at Nicole as she walked into the cabin with swollen red eyes. God, he hated himself right now more than he ever had before. How the hell was he goin
g to fix things with her? He couldn’t.
“Sawyer should be back any minute,” Reed told Nicole—the one woman he couldn’t stop thinking about.
“Fine.” She sat down on the opposite side of the sofa, her cop act back in place. It was obviously what she put on to protect herself from assholes like him.
He knew he had frozen up when she’d gotten too close to his truth. Close? She’d nearly hit the nail on the head. He could’ve handled things better. She deserved at least that much from him. What could he say to fix things, to help her understand why he acted the way he did? Words were his strong suit when it came to seducing a cute sub to bed, but a woman like Nicole was due the truth. Those words, candid and honest words, never came easy for him. He’d lived his whole life keeping things casual and laid-back. Nicole was kind, warm, a woman who wasn’t afraid to stand up and fight. God, she was everything he needed and more. He wanted to tell her that, with all his heart, but what would that change? Nothing. She would go back to Chicago, to her life there. He would stay here with Sawyer, who was in as deep as he was—wanting a future with her.
“When your brother gets back, I’m going to have him take me back to town, Reed. I’m done here.”
