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He shook his head. “It still doesn’t make sense to me. Where was her pride?”
“In appearances. My mother idolizes my father. She belongs to the cult of Wilbur Taylor. She thinks he’s just being a man. That every marriage has its issues.”
“And you think I’m just like him.” He raised himself up on one elbow and scored her with his gaze. “You asked me that night on the terrace if those women were a salve for my embittered soul. You want the truth, Diana? The real truth? Yes. Yes they were. I used those women to try to forget you...to get over you. They were your collateral damage. Because I was hurting. My wife had walked out on me. My marriage was over.”
She stared at him, her head spinning at the unexpected admission. She had always suspected the woman had been just that for him, but marking them her collateral damage?
“Do not use me as an excuse for your behavior,” she said sharply. “You are fully responsible for that.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “I did it all on my own. I have to take responsibility for it. But you don’t get to act hurt and self-righteous about it, not when you relinquished your claim on me in such an abrupt and decisive fashion. The blame goes both ways, sweetheart.”
She clamped her mouth shut. She had no idea she’d hurt him so badly. She’d thought he was looking for an excuse to get out of their dysfunctional marriage with that argument they’d had. But his raw emotion now came from the very heart of him—emotion she’d never seen him exhibit. And for the first time since she’d walked out on him, she allowed herself to consider the fact that she had been very wrong in leaving him. That he was as good at hiding his emotions as she was.
He pushed himself upright, his hand reaching for hers to tug her to him. Her chest collided with the heat of him, her fingers coming up to grasp his biceps. His gaze when it latched on to hers ran roughshod through every defense she had. “You have to get over it,” he said roughly. “Those women meant nothing to me. I apologize, Diana. I apologize for unwittingly digging up your past and hurting you. I apologize for my behavior the night we conceived our baby. But now is the time to wipe the slate clean. Now is the time to build on what we do have to make this work for the sake of our baby. But you have to let me in.”
Her stomach contracted. She knew he was right. But the thought of him making love to, having sex with those women... She wasn’t sure she could ever get over it.
“I want to hate you for it...those women.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. “I see it in my head and I want to be physically ill.”
His face grayed. “Then, we are both grappling with what we think is the unforgivable. For the sake of our child, we need to move past it.”
She swallowed hard. He still had feelings for her, however much he tried to hide them. He was saying everything she’d wanted to hear that night she’d gone to that party before ending their marriage. Except that he still loved her.
He was willing to slug it out together for their baby. To attempt to meet somewhere in the middle of their radically different approaches to life to make this marriage work.
Was it enough?
Would not having all of him ever be enough?
She rolled to her feet. “You promised me time. Give it to me. No more subtle seduction, no more pushing, no more manipulation of everything I say. Just give me the time I need and I promise you I will consider this.”
His eyes darkened. He jerked his head in silent accord. She walked to the edge of the boat, slipped off her shorts and dived into the cool, heavenly turquoise water.
Her head knew what she had to do. Now she just had to get her heart to agree.
CHAPTER TEN
COBURN WAS TRUE to his word. For three days and three nights he did not touch her, goad her or push her to discuss anything more pertinent than the weather and what they were going to do that day. They interacted like polite acquaintances who happened to have an intimate knowledge of every inch of each other they kept tightly in check as they explored the island by boat and foot.
When they’d had enough of the ever-present baking heat, they headed for the crystal clear water and the coral reefs that surrounded the island. Diana could have spent days there swimming with the schools of brightly colored fish, avoiding her problems. And yet, funnily enough, by letting her mind go and relaxing, clarity came instead.
Her life had been irrevocably changed when she and Coburn had conceived this baby. She had to give them a second chance. A chance to forgive each other their transgressions, as Coburn had said, and perhaps find some level of happiness.
