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“About what?”
“About you. About you engineering this pregnancy. I made that accusation based on experiences, situations I’ve faced which have taught me that people can’t be trusted, Sofi´a. That I can’t afford to trust people. When I found out you were pregnant, it was a natural assumption for me to think it had been planned, considering how careful we had been never to let that happen. Perhaps not a right one, but the one way I’ve become conditioned to think.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a mutinous look. “Contraception is not foolproof, Nik. I had no idea the medication I was on would have interfered with it or I would certainly never have suggested what I did.”
“It was my responsibility, too,” he admitted. “I could have used a condom. I didn’t.”
She bit her lip. “Why this sudden change of face? Why now?”
He shook his head. “Because it isn’t you, Sofi´a. My head’s been a mess from my brother’s death. From everything that’s been thrown at me. I wasn’t thinking straight. When I did start thinking clearly again, it just didn’t seem like you. You are so fiercely independent and honest. It seemed like you were fighting it too hard to have wanted it. But I didn’t have the head space to process those thoughts. I didn’t want to be wrong again and trust someone when I shouldn’t.”
She pursed her lips. “And now you’ve had time to process it?”
“Yes.”
Suspicion warred with a desperate need to know he believed her. She shook her head. “You have to trust me, Nik. You have to let me in. You have to know that I am different.”
His mouth thinned. “I just shared with you an incident that nearly broke my family apart. I told you about my father earlier. We are talking, Sofi´a. I can’t promise it’s always going to be easy for me or I’m always going to be perfect at it, but I am giving it my best shot.”
Her heart softened. He had been trying. Had been opening up slowly, piece by piece. She knew in her heart they could make it together if he’d just continue to let her in. If she could continue to let him in. They had so much to build on.
She stepped closer to him. “You promise I’m not going to wake up tomorrow with you doubting me again?”
“I promise.” He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “Lypamai. I’m sorry. I’m sorry my suspicions have made this so difficult for us.”
She held his gaze with hers. “Everything for me right now is based on me trusting you. On taking a leap of faith that petrifies me, Nik. I need to know I can rely on you. That you will be there for me.”
He brought his mouth down on hers in a whisper-soft caress that drained any remaining anger from her. “You can jump,” he murmured. “I will catch you. You are right, Sofi´a. We are more. We can be a good team. I promise you.”
Team. It was a vivid reminder of who she was marrying. A man who might have just promised to build a relationship with her, who liked and desired her, but who would never love her. Nothing had changed there. He had married her to secure his heir.
She vowed to remember that as her lips clung to his and the kiss moved deeper. This time their coming together wasn’t about urgency or release, it was about leisurely exploring each other, about sealing a promise they were making. To do this together.
She sighed and sank back into the wall, her palms coming up to cup his face. He inserted a knee between her thighs and moved in closer, deepening the kiss. He had never really lost his erection. It lengthened, thickened against her now. Pulsed with his desire for her.
He wrapped his fingers around her thigh and hooked it around his waist. She pulled in a breath as he nudged the tender flesh between her legs with his shaft. “Sore?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He buried his mouth in the hollow of her throat. “I’ll be gentle.”
“Yes.”
He eased himself inside of her. Her body drew him in. He rocked against her, his eyes holding hers as he fused them together. Slowly, with heart-stopping tenderness, he took her. Higher, deeper until her sensitized body stirred back to life.
The struggle she saw in his eyes gave her hope. He didn’t want to want her this much. He was fighting the connection they had. Fighting what they had always had that had seemed to be bigger than both of them. Out of their control.
It scared her too, terrified her. But she needed him to be her anchor in this. Knew that he would be even if he never loved her. And that had to be enough.
