AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You cannot claim these are ordinary circumstances, Sofi´a. The other things will be manageable.”
“Not with you. You will compartmentalize me every time you need to. Bring me out to play when you so desire.”
He blew out a breath. Turned to look out the window. When he looked back at her, his eyes were glazed with exhaustion. “You’re being unreasonable. Get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”
She bit her lip, desperately resisting the hot tears that blanketed her eyes. “I’ve spent enough of my life alone, Nik. Craving the love I never got. I won’t do it with you. I won’t put our child through a marriage, a life where I am miserable. You can’t even manage a relationship with me, let alone a child.”
His mouth flattened. A tear rolled down her cheek. He cursed and reached up to brush it away, confusion, wariness, darkening his eyes. “Sofi´a—”
“Yes, that’s right,” she interrupted. “I’m in love with you, Nik. I realized I was in love with you in Evangelina. And you knew it. You have cleverly leveraged it to get what you want and I have played right into your hands.”
His gaze dropped away from hers. Her heart broke apart at the unspoken admission. He had known. And somehow that made it so much worse.
“Make up your mind,” she said quietly. “Figure out whether you actually have a heart, Nik, and you can share it with me. Or let me go. It’s your choice.”
The damaged look in his eyes as he raised his gaze to hers tested her resolve. “I know you’re damaged, Nik. So am I. But I’ve stopped using that as an excuse to run away from how I feel.”
She left him there and went to bed. It felt good to put an end to the misery. To know it wouldn’t continue. If he rejected her now, at least she’d know. At least she’d save herself a lifetime of pain. And really, how much more could it hurt?
A whole hell of a lot more, her bruised insides told her. It was just beginning.
* * *
His confrontation with Sofi´a raging in his head, Nik avoided the whiskey bottle that had been calling to him a little too much lately and sought out fresh air instead. The palace gardens were quiet and peaceful, the night air crisp and clean. Unlike the frantic activity of the day with gardeners and machines buzzing relentlessly to keep the showpiece intact, the carefully manicured slice of heaven that covered ten acres was silent now, except for the breeze that came off the sea and rustled the leaves on the trees.
There was a place on the outskirts of the gardens, a lone bench that faced the sea, where he and Stella used to come when they were kids to escape their father’s wrath. He headed toward it, found it unoccupied as it always was and lowered himself onto the worn wood, splaying his long legs out in front of him.
He rested his head against the back of the bench and closed his eyes. But the usual peace did not come. He couldn’t deny every word Sofi´a had said was true. That he had known she was in love with him; that he had leveraged it for his own purposes. He had compartmentalized her to fit into his life because that was the only way he could operate. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but he had accepted that particular transgression weeks ago. Forgiven himself for it.
But tonight, watching how miserable she was, when for a few weeks in time she had been so happy, tore him apart inside. He wanted her to be happy. Needed her to be happy after everything she’d gone through. He had promised he would be here for her, promised he would ensure that happiness, and then the Carnelian crisis had blown everything apart.
And that was a lie. He knew it as soon as the thought entered his head. Idas taking that ship, going back on their agreement, had made him question everything. Himself, the leader he’d become, whether he’d made the right choices, whether he was cut out to be king. But he’d made the decision to distance Sofi´a before that. When she’d gotten too close. When his feelings for her had become too strong.
Because making himself vulnerable, opening himself up fully to her, had meant abandoning his defenses, something he couldn’t do because he wasn’t actually sure he could function without them. Wasn’t sure Sofi´a would even want what he had left inside. Wasn’t even sure what was there anymore, he’d been closed off for so long.
He stared sightlessly out at the dark shadow of the water, the ironic truth of it all settling over him. He had been afraid. He had allowed fear to rule him while defiantly brave Sofi´a had taken every jump he’d asked her to. A woman he was afraid he’d been in love with for a long time.
