AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A shiver went up my spine at a creak on the floorboards and my eyes snapped up to the living room windows. Had I left them open on accident? I didn’t think so. Come to think of it, the light above the stove was always on, but now it was off.
I never turned that light off.
What couldn’t have been more than a few seconds felt like an eternity. As the pieces came together like a puzzle, I felt the thought come suddenly into my mind: I wasn’t alone in my apartment.
Trying to quickly form a plan, I felt my palms begin to sweat. The door was still open, but I was already well into the apartment. Should I run? I should call the police. My phone was on the purse. Where was my purse? I'd tossed it on the floor. Run. I should run. Or should I-
“Your throat looks so pretty when you wear your hair up.”
I woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. The room was dark, the windows were open and I was shaking like a leaf. The early June air came in contact with my skin and I wiped my forehead, huffing out a deep, shaky breath. Heart pounding, I willed myself to calm down. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate or throw up, maybe both.
Sweat dripped down my collarbones and my hair was plastered against my neck in wet, tangled strings, my ribs aching from the deep breaths that I was trying to pull in. The panic attack was all consuming and there was a crushing pressure in my chest as though someone was standing on top of me.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and leaned down as far as I could, pressing my forehead against my knees and groaning as the tightness in my chest began to ease. My hands were shaking and my teeth were chattering, my mind going a mile a minute.
It was such an ugly, helpless feeling. Being betrayed by my own body left me feeling so raw and on edge that I wanted to scream.
“You’re fine,” I said aloud. “You’re fine. You’re safe.”
I was safe, wasn’t I? I was back home and protected, no one could hurt me here. No one was sitting out in the sand dunes with a pair of binoculars.
It was nothing more than a mere nightmare, a memory.
Chapter 4
“So, Abbigail, tell me about this nightmare.”
I sat on Robbie’s oversized, overstuffed couch with my hands clasped tightly in my lap. Our family therapist, Dr. Henry Van Sant, sat across from me, looking professional as always with his black rimmed glasses and a notebook in his lap.
“I’m sure Robbie filled you in. He’s the one who called you, right?”
Van Sant offered a small smile and removed his glasses. “Abby, come on. If you’d prefer to beat around the bush we can do that, or, you could just tell me what happened.”
Henry was a kind man who didn’t deserve my attitude and I normally would have been much more cordial. But after last night’s nightmare I was moody, sleep deprived, and had the appetite of a baby bird. I’d spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, resentment and sadness taking over.
It was only my second session with Dr. Van Sant, a mid-thirties PhD based out of Boston. My parents apparently brought him in after Logan was last arrested for marijuana possession, something that was complete bullshit. But according to my parents, an ounce of weed was just as bad as a pound of cocaine.
The doctor was nice enough with a smooth, soothing voice. I thought he kind of looked like a modern day Clark Kent with his combed black hair, glasses and dimpled chin. My mother adored him- she adored anyone well dressed with a college degree- but I really had no interest in opening up to anyone about anything.
Taking a deep breath, I offered the bare minimum. “It’s always the same, always the night of the attack. I hear his voice and then I just… wake up.”
“Is it ever different? Do you ever see his face?”
I shook my head. That was the most frustrating part. I could never see his face. He’d worn a mask during the attack, even if he didn’t I wouldn’t have seen him.
“Abbigail?” Dr. Van Sant said my name and I realized I still hadn’t answered him.
“I, uh…” sweat broke out on the back of my neck as my mind threw back into the night of the attack.
“I know this is hard, Abby. But that’s what I’m here for.”
My back molars were grinding together as my breathing got shaky. A panic attack was rising quickly and I tried to tramp it down, fought for control. “I didn’t see his face,” I finally whispered. “I didn’t see anything. He hit me and all of a sudden I was on the ground. It just happened so fast.”
Not much was said after that small admission. My ribs were aching from my labored breathing and I knew I didn’t have it in me to finish the session, something that I think Dr. Van Sant knew as well.
“I’m not up for the full hour today, I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here, Dr. Van Sant.”
He offered me a reassuring smile and nodded. “Call me Henry, alright? Here, I want you to have my information if you need to reach me.” he pulled out a white business card and scribbled something on the back before pushing it across the coffee table. “Don’t hesitate to reach out, okay? You have a good family, Abby. They worry about you.”
