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Johnny carried Kate to her bed and tucked her in. "The bathroom down here is all set up for you. Everything has been installed—railings and a shower seat and all the stuff they recommended. A hospice nurse will be coming by . . . "
She wasnt sure when she closed her eyes. All she knew was that she was sleeping. Somewhere a radio was playing "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" and she could hear people talking in the distance. Then Johnny was kissing her and telling her she was beautiful and talking about the vacations they would someday take.
She awoke with a start. The room around her was dark now; shed slept through the remaining daylight hours, obviously. Beside her, a eucalyptus-scented candle burned. The darkness lulled her for a moment, made her think she was alone.
Across the room, a shadow moved. Someone breathed.
Kate hit the button on her bed and moved to a sit. "Hey," she said.
"Hey, Mom. "
She grew accustomed to the darkness and saw her daughter, sitting in a chair in the corner. Although Marah looked tired, she was so beautiful that Kate felt a cinching in her chest. Being home again made her see everything and everyone with perfect clarity, even in this gray darkness. When she looked at her teenage daughter, with her long black hair kept out of her eyes with little girl barrettes, she glimpsed the whole arc of life—the child shed been, the girl she was, the woman shed become.
"Hey, baby girl. " She smiled and leaned sideways to turn on the bedside lamp. "But you arent my baby anymore, are you?"
Marah stood up and moved forward, twisting her hands together. For all of her grown-up beauty, the fear in her eyes made her look ten years old again.
Kate tried to figure out what she should say. She knew how much Marah wanted everything to be normal, but it simply wasnt. From now on the words they said to each other would be weighted, remembered. That was a simple fact of life. Or of death.
"Ive been mean to you," Marah said.
Kate had waited years for this moment, actually dreamed of it in the days when she and Marah had been at war; now she saw it from a distance and knew that those battles were just ordinary life—a girl trying to grow up and a mother trying to hang on. Shed give anything for another fight, actually; it would mean they had time.
"I was a bitch to grandma, too. Thats what teen girls do: rag on their mothers. And your Aunt Tully was a bitch to everyone. "
Marah made a sound that was half snort, half laughter, and pure relief. "I wont tell her you said that. "
"Believe me, honey, it will come as no surprise to her. And I want you to know something: Im proud of your big personality and spirit. It will take you far in this life. " On those last words, she saw her daughters eyes fill with tears. Kate opened her arms and Marah leaned down to her, pulling her into a fierce embrace.
Kate could have held on forever, that was how good it felt. For years, Marahs hugs had been perfunctory at best, or a reward for getting her way. This was the real thing. When Marah drew back she was crying. "Remember when you used to dance with me?"
"When you were really little, Id hold on and twirl you around until you giggled. Once I did it so long you threw up all over me. "
"We shouldnt have stopped," Marah said. "I shouldnt have, I mean. "
"None of that," Kate said. "Put down the bed rail and sit by me. "
Marah struggled with the rail, but finally got it down. She climbed into the bed and pulled her knees up.
"Hows James?" Kate asked.
"Im into Tyler now. "
"And is he a nice boy?"
Marah laughed at that. "Hes totally hot, if thats what you mean. He asked me to the junior prom. Can I go?"
"Of course you can. But youll have a curfew. "
Marah sighed. Some habits were in the teen DNA; the disappointed sigh, it seemed, simply couldnt be overcome, not even by cancer. "Okay. "
Kate stroked her daughters hair, knowing she should say something profound here, something that would be remembered, but nothing extraordinary came to her. "Did you apply for a summer job at the theater?"
"Im not gonna work this summer. Ill be home. "
"You cant put your life on hold, honey," Kate said quietly. "Thats not how this is going to work. You said a summer job would help you get into USC anyway. "
Marah shrugged, looked away. "I decided to go to UW, like you and Aunt Tully. "
