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"Who is here? Am I ready for what?" No sooner had the words left Kates mouth than the parade into her room began. First came a man in coveralls, pushing a rolling rack full of floor-length gowns. Next, Marah and Tully and Mom crowded into the small space.
"Okay, Dad," Marah said. "No boys allowed. "
Johnny kissed Kates cheek and left the room.
"The only good thing about being rich and famous," Tully said, "well, there are lots of good things about it, but one of the best is that if you call Nordstroms and say please send me every prom dress you have in sizes four through six, they do it. "
Marah came to the side of the bed. "I couldnt pick out my first prom dress without you, Mom. "
Kate didnt know if she wanted to laugh or cry, so she did both.
"Dont worry," Tully said. "I explicitly told the saleswoman to leave the skanky dresses in the store. "
At that, they all laughed.
As the weeks passed, Kate felt herself weakening. Despite her best efforts and her purposely optimistic attitude, her body began to fail in a dozen little ways. A word she couldnt find, a sentence she couldnt finish, a trembling weakness in her fingers that wouldnt still, a nausea that all too often became unbearable, and the cold. She was always chilled to the bone.
And then there was the pain. By late July, when the nights began to grow longer and had the sweet sultry taste of a ripe peach, she had nearly doubled her morphine dosage and no one cared. As her doctor said, "Addiction isnt your problem now. "
She was a good enough actress that no one seemed to notice how weak she was becoming. Oh, they knew she had to use the wheelchair to get to the beach, and that she often fell asleep well before the nightly movie started, but in these days of summer, the household was in a constant state of flux. Tully had taken over Kates daytime routine as best she could, which left Kate time to work on her journal. Sometimes, lately, she worried that she wouldnt have time to finish it, and the thought scared her.
The funny thing was that dying didnt. Not so much anymore. Oh, she still had panic attacks when she thought about The End, but even those were becoming less frequent. More and more often, she just thought: Let me rest.
She couldnt say that, though. Even to Tully, whod listen to her for hours and hours. Whenever Kate brought up the future, Tully flinched and made a smart-ass comment.
Dying was a lonely business.
"Mom?" Marah said quietly, pushing the door open.
Kate forced herself to smile. "Hi, honey. I thought you were going over to Lytle Beach today with the gang. "
"I was going to. "
"What changed your mind?"
Marah stepped forward. For a moment, Kate was disoriented by the sight of her own daughter; shed had a growth spurt again. At almost six feet, she was filling out, too, becoming a woman before Kates eyes. "I need to do something. "
"Okay. What is it?"
Marah turned around, looked down the hall, then back to Kate. "Could you come into the living room?"
Kates desire to say no swelled, almost overtook her, but she said "Of course," and put on her robe, mittens, and knitted cap. Fighting nausea and exhaustion, she got slowly out of bed.
Marah took her by the arm and steadied her, becoming for a moment the mother; she led her into the living room, where, despite the heat of the day, a fire burned in the fireplace. Lucas and William, still in their jammies, sat together on the couch.
"Hi, Mommy," they said at once, flashing their gap-toothed grins.
Marah positioned Kate next to the boys, tucked her robe around her legs, and then sat down on the other side of her.
Kate smiled. "This is like those plays you used to stage when you were little. "
Marah nodded and snuggled in close to her. When she looked at Kate, though, she wasnt smiling. "A long time ago," she said in an unsteady voice, "you gave me a special book. "
"I gave you lots of books. "
"You told me that someday Id be sad and confused and Id need it. "
Kate wanted to pull away suddenly, distance herself, but she was held in place by her children. "Yes," was all she could say.
