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"For the last few weeks, Ive tried to read it a bunch of times and I couldnt. "
"Its okay—"
"And I figured out why. We all need it. " She reached over to the end table and picked up the paperback copy of The Hobbit Kate had given her. It felt like a lifetime ago now, the day shed given this favorite novel to her daughter, passed it on. A lifetime ago, and an instant.
"Yippee!" William said. "Marahs gonna read to us. "
Lucas elbowed his brother. "Shut up. "
Kate put an arm around her boys and stared at her daughters earnest, beautiful face. "Okay. "
Marah leaned back, settled in close to Kate, and opened the book. Her voice was only a little wobbly at the start, but as the story took hold, she found her strength again. "In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit . . . "
August ended too quickly and melted into a lazy September. Kate tried to experience every moment of every day, but even with a positive outlook, there was no way to avoid the ugly truth: she was fading.
She clung to Johnnys arm and concentrated on her walking. One slippered foot in front of the other; keep breathing. She was so tired of being wheeled around in her chair, or carried like a child, but walking was more and more difficult. She had headaches, too; blistering ones that sometimes left her winded and unable to remember the people and things around her.
"Do you need your oxygen?" Johnny asked, bending close to her ear so the kids wouldnt hear.
"I sound like Lance Armstrong during the Tour de France. " She tried to smile. "No, thanks. "
He got her settled on the deck in her favorite chair and tucked the wool blanket around her. "Are you sure youll be okay while were gone?"
"Of course. Marah needs to get to rehearsal and the boys would hate to miss Little League. And Tully will be home any minute. "
Johnny laughed. "I dont know. I can produce an entire documentary in the time it takes her to grocery-shop for one meal. "
Kate smiled, too. "She is learning a lot of new skills. "
After he left, the house behind her settled into an unfamiliar silence. She stared out at the glittering blue Sound and the tiara of a city on the opposite shore, remembering suddenly when shed lived over there, near the Public Market; a young career girl with shoulder pads and cinch belts and slouch boots. That was when she first saw Johnny and tumbled into love. She still remembered so many of their moments—when hed first kissed her and called her Katie and said he didnt want to hurt her.
Reaching into the bag at her side, she pulled out her journal and stared down at it, tracing the leather pattern on the cover. It was almost finished now. Shed written it all down, or as much as she could remember, and it had helped her as much as shed hoped it would someday help her kids.
She opened to the page where shed left off and began to write.
Thats the funny thing about writing your life story. You start out trying to remember dates and times and names. You think its about facts, your life; that what youll look back on and remember are the successes and failures, the time line of your youth and middle age, but that isnt it at all.
Love. Family. Laughter. Thats what I remember when its all said and done. For so much of my life I thought I didnt do enough or want enough. I guess I can be forgiven my stupidity. I was young. I want my children to know how proud I am of them, and how proud I am of me. We were everything we needed—you and Daddy and I. I had everything I ever wanted.
Love.
Thats what we remember.
She closed the journal. There was nothing more to say.
Tully came home from the grocery store feeling triumphant. She put the bags on the counter, emptied them one by one, then opened a can of beer and went outside.
"That grocery store is a jungle, Kate. I guess I went down the up lane, or in the out lane, I dont know. Youd have thought I was Public Enemy Number One. I never heard so much honking. "
"We at-home moms dont have long to shop. "
"I dont know how you did it all. Im exhausted by ten oclock every morning. "
Kate laughed. "Sit. "
"If I roll over and play dead do I get a biscuit?"
Kate handed her her journal. "You get this. First. "
