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Ruby closed her eyes and pictured Mom as shed been a few hours earlier . . . sitting on the dirty rag rug like a kindergartner; with her casted leg sprawled out to the side, a half-finished margarita beside her thigh. In profile, with the firelight haloing her face, shed looked like an angel carved from the purest ivory.
She had been talking quietly to Caroline.
Theyd held hands, Mom and Caro, and whispered about marriage, about how it wasnt what you expected. Their two voices had blended into a music that Ruby couldnt quite comprehend. At first, shed felt left out, a child eavesdropping at her parents closed bedroom door.
She had been right there, sitting beside them, and yet shed felt isolated and alone. Unconnected. Never in her life had Ruby felt such an intense sense of her own shortcomings.
Shed been unable to join in the conversation because shed never made a commitment to another human being; shed never tried to love someone through good times and bad. In fact, shed purposely chosen men she couldnt love. In that way, her heart had always seemed safe. And always, it had been empty.
Shed had the realization before, but this time it struck deep.
Caroline and Mom had been talking about love and loss, and most of all, commitment; about how love was more than an emotion. In the end, Mom had said, sometimes love was a choice. Like the tide, it could ebb and flow, and there were slack-tide times when a woman had nothing to believe in except a memory, nothing to cling to except the choice shed made a long time ago.
Mom had looked at Caroline and said softly, “I let the bad times overwhelm me, and I ran. It wasnt until Id gone too far to turn back that I remembered how much I loved your father; and by then it was too late. For all these years, Ive been left wondering, ”What if?"
What if?
Ruby closed her eyes. The darkness pressed in on her. She heard the whispering of the sea through the open window.
Do you believe in second chances?
Deans question came back to her, filled her longing.
“I do,” she said out loud, hoping that tomorrow, when they went sailing, she would find the courage to say the same words to Dean.
Before tonight, it would have seemed impossible to expose her heart so openly, so boldly. To admit she wanted to love and be loved. tonight, life seemed different.
As if anything were possible.
The next morning, Nora woke feeling refreshed and . Almost young again. She thanked God that shed sipped a single margarita all night.
She pushed back the coverlet and limped into the bathroom. When she was finished with her mom. routine, she dressed quickly in a pair of khaki walk shorts and a white linen shirt.
In the living room, she saw the relics of last night blowout three glasses, each with at least an inch of slime green liquid in the bottom; an ashtray filled the cigarettes Caroline had furtively smoked; a pile of discarded record albums.
For the first time this summer, the house looked lived in. This was a mess made by Nora and daughters, and shed waited a lifetime to see it.
She put a pot of coffee on, then limped upstairs. The bedroom door was closed. She pushed it open. Caroline and Ruby were still sleeping.
In sleep, they looked young and vulnerable, the sight of them, she remembered her own nights in this room, nights shed slept in this bed with her husband, more often than not with two small, warm bodies tucked in between them.
And now those babies were women full grown, sleeping together in the bed that had once held their parents. Caroline slept curled in a ball, her body pressed close to the mattresss edge. Ruby, on the other hand, lay spread-eagle, her arms and legs flung out above the bedding.
Nora walked to the bed. Slowly, she reached down and caressed Rubys pink, sleep-lined cheek. Her skinwas soft, so so . . . .
Wake up, sleepyheads. "
Ruby groaned and blinked awake, smacking her lips together as if she could still taste the last margarita. “Hi, Mom. ”
Caro blinked awake beside her; stretching her arms. She saw Nora and tried to sit up. Halfway there, she groaned and flopped backward. “Oh, my God, my head is swollen. ”
Ruby didnt look a whole lot better; but at least she could sit upright. “Obviously E. D. here should have done a little alcohol training before last night. ” She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples.
“Do we have any aspirin?”
“Aspirin?” Caroline moaned. “Thats an over-the counter medication. I have prescription-level pain. ” She scooted slowly to a seated position, and slumped against Ruby. “Im never listening to you again. Oh, shit, Im gonna puke. ”
Ruby slipped an arm around her sister. “Aim at Mom. She looks way too happy this morning. ”
