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“But youre famous. ”
“Im infamous. Believe me, theres a difference. ”
“With the right spin, you can-”
“You dont understand my career, Ruby. Ive never put a wall between me and my readers. Everything I think and feel and believe is found in my words to strangers. Thats why they believed in me, they sensed my honesty. ”
Rubys eyebrow arched upward. “According to the press, your columns said you believed in marriage. Is that the kind of honesty they got from you?”
“I do believe in marriage. And love, and family, and commitments. I just . . . failed at it. ”
Ruby looked surprised by that answer. “Thats an interesting word choice. Failed. ”
“I dont suppose either one of us would characterize my wife-and-motherhood as successful. ”
“No. But I wouldnt have expected you to see it that way. As a failure, I mean. ”
They were finally circling something that mattered. Nora“s voice was gentle. ”How did you imagine Id feel?"
Ruby frowned. “I would have thought youd see leaving us as . . . a success. You did it so well. Like leaving a job you hate. You might miss the income, but youre proud of yourself for finding the guts to quit. ”
“I wasnt proud of myself. ”
“Why?” Ruby asked the question in a whispered voice. “Why did you do it? Couldnt you have a career and raise children?”
Nora sighed. There were so many ways to answer that, and she was too damned depressed to pick the right one. So, she said the first thing that came to mind. “What happened to us isnt some event, like the sinking of the Titanic. Its little things, strung together over decades. To really understand it all, youd have to grow up and see the way things really were in our family, but you dont want to do that, Ruby. You want to forget I ever existed. . . forget we ever existed. ”
“Its easier that way,” Ruby said quietly.
“Yes. And its easier for me to walk away from my career. I cant fight these charges . . . not with the life Ive led and the choices Ive made. The press will uncover what I did to my children . . . to you, Ruby . . . and itll get even worse. ”
“I never saw you as a quitter. ”
Nora gave her a sad, knowing smile. “Ah, Ruby . . . of all people . . . you should have. ”
Chapter Eleven
It was early afternoon, the peak of a surprisingly hot June day. The sea and sky were a solid sheet of sparkling blue. Sunlight glinted along the surface of the water. At the edge of the property, just before it dipped down to meet the sand, trees reached out to one another, their leaves whispering in the wind. Starlings banked and dove along the eaves, chirping loudly, flying low above the grass.
Ruby sat in the white Adirondack chair on the second-floor balcony. She couldnt seem to stop crying.
She kept thinking about Eric, about all the times theyd spent together, how hed been the big brother shed never had-and the thought of losing him was unbearable . . . but no worse than the realization that shed lost him years earlier, thoughtlessly, by walking away and never bothering to call.
Never bothering to call.
It was the story of her life. Ruby the half-wit girl who exits stage right. She had loved Eric. Not in the searing, heartbreaking way shed loved his brother, but in a solid, dependable way. For all the years of her youth, hed been there. It was Eric whod taught her to set up a pup tent when the Girl Scout jamboree was coming . . . Eric whod shown her how to stand on the bow pulpit of the Wind Lass on a windy day.
And yet shed walked away, let him become a faded snapshot in the drawer of her life.
“Im sorry,” she whispered aloud, hearing the pathetic edge to her voice. It wasnt good enough, her apology into thin air. She acknowledged that. But the thought of seeing him terrified her. How could she stand by his bed and talk to him . . . smile as if theyd stayed friends . . . and say good-bye?
How could she watch him die?
Closing her eyes, she leaned back into the chair. In the bedroom behind her, the phone rang, but when she picked it up, there was no answer.
When the briiiiing sounded again, she realized it was her cellular phone. She dove over the bed and reached for the phone on the floor. Shed plugged it in less than an hour earlier.
“Hello?”
