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Maudeen answered on the second ring. “Lightner and Associates, may I help you?”
“Hi, Maudeen,” Ruby said, sitting on the bed, drawing her knees up. “Its Ruby Bridge. Is the Great Oz in?”
Maudeen laughed. “He and Julian went to a premiere in New York. Hell be back on Monday, and hes calling in for messages. ”
“Okay. Tell him I wont be delivering my article. ”
“You mean its going to be late?”
“Im not going to turn it in at all. ”
“Oh, my. Youd better give me your address and phone number again. Hell want to talk to you. ”
Ruby gave out the information, then hung up. She hadnt even realized that she was reaching for her writing pad, but there it was, sitting on her lap. It was time now to finish what shed begun. Slowly, she began to write.
I have just called my agent. When he calls back, I will tell him that I cant turn in this article. I never thought about what it meant to write an expose on my own mother.
Can you believe I was so blind? I took the money that was given to me-my thirty pieces of silver and I spent it like a teenager would, on a fast car and expensive clothes.
But I didnt think.
I dreamed. I imagined. I saw myself on Letterman and Leno, a witty charming guest plugging her own skyrocketing career. I never noticed that Id be standing on my mothers broken back to reach the microphone.
My dreams, as usual, were all about me.
Now, I see the people around me, and I know what the price of my selfish actions will be.
As I write, I am reminded of that passage from the Bible-the one that is read at every wedding: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. "
Now, I understand as an adult. Maybe for the first time in my life. This article would break my mothers heart, and perhaps even worse, her spirit. That didnt matter to me a week ago; in fact, I wanted to hurt her then.
My only excuse: then I was a child.
I cant do it anymore; not to her and not to me. For the first time, I have drawn back the dark curtain of anger and seen the bright day beyond.
I can be my mothers daughter again.
Even as I write that sentence, I feel its powerful seduction. I cant totally express you-strangers how it feels to be motherless. The ache . . . the longing.
She is the keeper of my past. She knows the secret moments that have formed me, and even with all that I have done to her, I can feel that still she is able to love me.
Will anyone else ever love me so unconditionally
I doubt it.
I cant give that up. Cache will have to find someone else to betray Nora Bridge. I am going home.
Ruby felt better now. Her decision was down in print, formed and solid in bright blue letters.
She would not turn in the article.
In Friday Harbor, the marina was a hive of activity; boats coming in and going out, kids racing along the cement docks, nets in hand, boaters bringing groceries down to their moored boats in creaky wooden carts.
This town was the center of the American section of this archipelago. For more than one hundred years, islanders had come to this port for groceries, boat repairs, and companionship. The town was an enchanting mix of old, decrepit buildings and newer ones, built with a reverence for the past in mind It was a place where pedestrians and bikers were as liable to be in the middle of Main Street as an automobile, and the honk of a car horn was almost never heard. Like all of the islands, San Juan had learned long ago to depend on the tourist trade. The downtown area was an eclectic mix of art galleries, souvenir shops, gift emporiums, and restaurants-with prices that forced the locals to drive off island for their daily needs, and encouraged the Californian tourists to buy two of everything.
Dean walked aimlessly up and down the streets. Today had depressed the hell out of him, and he knew it shouldnt have. Nothing had ever been easy with Ruby. Love would be the most difficult of all.
He came to a camera shop and went inside. On a whim, he bought a kick-ass camera and enough film to record the tearing down of the Berlin Wall. Finally, he heard the ferrys horn, and knew it was time to get down to the dock. He jumped on his bike and raced downhill. He was late, so he followed the last car onto the boat.
