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It saddened him, knowing how her heart, once so open and pure, had been trampled by the very people who should have protected it. “Okay. Love hurts. I cant deny that. But what about loneliness?”
“Im not lonely. ”
“Liar. ”
She stepped away from him. Without a backward look or a wave or anything, she jumped on her bike and rode away.
“Go ahead,” he called after her. “Run away. You can only go so far. ”
Ruby knew her mother would be waiting for her. Shed probably be sitting at the kitchen table, or in the rocker on the porch, pretending to be occupied by some small task. Maybe knitting; shed always loved to knit.
Ruby stopped pedaling. The bike slowed down, rattling and bumping over the uneven road. When she reached the minivan, she dumped the bike at the side of the gardening shed and headed down to the house. The gate creaked loudly at her touch.
She stepped into the kitchen and found her mother at the stove, stirring something in an old iron pot. She was wearing her old apron-the one that said A WOMANS PLACE IS IN THE VERY HOUSE . . . AND THE SENATE.
“Ruby,” she said, looking up in surprise. “I didnt expect you back so soon. ” She glanced at the door, now closed behind Ruby. “Wheres Dino?”
Ruby stood there. God help her, she couldnt talk. The kitchen smelled of pot roast, slow-cooking all day with baby carrots and oven-browned potatoes. A cookie sheet sat on the counter. On it, homemade his cults were rising. And unless Ruby missed her guess, that was vanilla custard Mom was stirring.
Shed made Rubys all-time favorite dinner.
Just then, Ruby didnt know which hurt more-the effort her mother had made to please her, or the fact that Dean wasnt here to share it. All she knew was that if she didnt get out of this room soon, she was going to burst into tears.
“Dean went home,” she said.
A frown darted across her mothers face. She turned off the burner, carefully placed the wooden spoon across the top of the pot, and grabbed her crutches, then limped toward Ruby. Step-thump-step-thump. The uneven footsteps matched the beat of Rubys heart. “What happened?”
“I dont know. I guess we started something we couldnt finish. Or maybe we finished something wed started a longtime ago. ” She shrugged and looked away.
“This wont be like Max,” her mother said.
“I love Dean,” Ruby admitted. “But thats not enough. It wouldnt last, anyway. ”
“Love is nothing without faith. ”
“I lost that faith a long time ago. ”
“Of course you did. And youre right to blame your dad and me for it, but that doesnt matter anymore whose fault it is. What matters is you. Can you let yourself jump without a net? Because thats what love is, what faith is. Youre looking for a guarantee, and those come with auto parts. Not love. ”
“Yeah, right. Love put you in a mental institution. ”
Mom laughed. “I think it makes lunatics of us all. ”
It felt good to talk to her mother this way. As friends. It was something Ruby had never even imagined.
It was true; love made everybody crazy. All those years Ruby had spent angry with her mother, sending back presents unopened and refusing all contact-it wasnt because shed felt betrayed.
Those years, those feelings and actions, had been about . . . longing. Simple longing.
Shed missed her mother so much that the only way shed been able to go on in the world was to pretend she was alone.
Im not alone anymore.
That one sentence, once thought, formed a road that led Ruby to herself. She didnt say it aloud. Instinctively, she knew that if she, her voice would be a childs, full of awe and bewilderment. And she would cry.
I cant write the article.
“Ive got to go upstairs,” she said suddenly, seeing the surprise on her mothers face. Ruby didnt care. She ran upstairs and went to the phone, dialing Vals number.
