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I turn on the radio, needing a distraction, and “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace is playing. Story of my fucking life, but I have the one thing I love, and I will protect her with my life.
Finally home, I prepare for my shower. Turning on the water, I sigh as I run my hand over my naked body, and memories of his touch rush back again. I wash as my body tingles with more need, and finish more frustrated than I was to begin with.
I’ve made mistake after mistake after bloody mistake. Am I ever going to get anything right?
I make Marisa breakfast after I wake her up. Then we pack up her lunch and I take her to her preschool.
She goes half days to a local pre-K for three-year-olds. It has been great socialization for her and a welcome break for me since leaving Monte, allowing me the time to sort out some things in our life. Before, she only went because Monte felt that was the “appropriate” thing for her to do, but of course it was added to my balance sheet, as the school didn’t come cheap.
“Mrs. Timmons, I don’t know how to tell you this.” Carrie, the school director, comes out from her office to talk to me.
I give Marisa a quick goodbye, send her off to her classroom, then nod, wide-eyed, at Carrie.
“Your husband called, and he explained your separation. He also informed us that you would be covering Marisa’s tuition.”
My heart sinks, my stomach drops, and suddenly my feet feel like complete lead. Checks and balances. Tip the scales to stay in control—that is Monte’s mentality.
After a moment, she continues, “Mr. Timmons also said you could call him to discuss payment arrangements with him should you need assistance in caring for your daughter.”
I drop to my knees in front of her as my world crumbles further. Tears freely flow down my face, and I don’t care who sees me. Carrie gives me this, but not for long. She has a school to run, and it’s not good for business to have a mom on her knees in the entryway. Therefore, when she gives my shoulder a firm squeeze, I take that as my silent cue to get my shit straight, and fast.
Checks and balances.
Squaring my shoulders, I stand and wipe my tears. Tip the scales all you want, Monte. I will not bow, and I will not break.
Spending my morning crunching numbers, I find that, as long as we can stay with Jamie for a few months, I can pay the tuition. I can’t make payments to Monte, but Marshall has gotten me an extra few months, which gives me time to get in the game.
I have to get in one of the games.
Night comes all too soon, and Marisa drifts to sleep after only three fairy tales. With my mind all over the place, I am thankful for the reprieve.
With the chaos of the day I haven’t given myself time to think of Caldwell, but as I finish applying lotion to my legs while readying for work, I silently beg not to run into him tonight. I have to get focused on the game and, more important, on the players, not on some high roller.
A game can be won or lost based on giving away or reading a tell, and I gave up too much to Caldwell too quickly. He could read me. That shit stops now.
I begin my shift in a daze. With every tip, I mentally calculate my bills. It isn’t long before I feel the burn, the sting of someone watching me. I glance around the casino floor to find him. “Call me Caldwell” resounds in my head, and I squeeze my legs together as I instantly ache for him, remembering when I called out his name.
He smiles and winks before turning back to his game, the chips lined up in front of him showing he’s clearly winning. Knowing he is here, I feel like the temperature has gone up about a hundred degrees.
So much for not ever seeing him again.
Of course, I couldn’t be so lucky. No, I am still stuck in the life of hard knocks and probably always will be.
Desperation fills me, making my chest tighten in anxiety. I don’t make it five steps before he is beside me.
“You okay?”
“Fine,” I mutter, trying to make my way to another table.
“Got a room here. Why don’t you come by and have dinner with me?”
I look up at him, and for a moment, I get lost in the depths of his blue eyes. He uses this to his advantage and takes my hand, but I jerk away as though he’s burned me.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
He trails a finger over the name tag pinned to my left breast. “Hailey, calm down.”
