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Sutton
Watching him go was the most difficult thing I’d ever had to do. I knew what he was going to do and I was helpless to stop it. I knew I could’ve kicked and screamed and put up a right good fight, but none of it would have fazed him. His desire for the drugs overwhelmed anything else.
I wiped the tears off my cheeks—angry at myself for even crying over him. I cared though. When you care, you feel. Feelings really fucking suck.
Picking up Brutus I went back inside. I stood by the window, watching for Cael. He came around the side of the building. His shoulders were hunched and his hands were stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. He bowed his head against the chilly wind as snow swirled around him.
I felt so helpless watching him go.
I wanted him to get better, to find help, but I knew I couldn’t force him. He had to find the strength to make that decision on his own.
I only wondered if he ever would.
Or would this be our life? Me always watching him fight this? Having to turn a blind eye every time he snuck off to God knows where in the middle of the fucking night?
I leaned my head against the glass, my eyes followed the glow of his light hair, until I couldn’t see him anymore.
I wasn’t sure if I could do this.
I wanted to, but…
I sighed, pulling away from the glass. Seeing him struggle like this was taking a toll on me. He was trying so hard, but it was an impossible fight. Addiction was a fucking beast. It had sunk its claws into him and refused to let go. It was sucking the life from him.
What do you do when the person you love the most is spiraling out of control?
Do you fight for them?
Or do you let them go?
Little did I know that the decision was about to be made for me.
CHAPTER 24
Caelan
I clutched the medium sized package in my hand. The movement wrinkled the shiny red surface. I’d already done a really shitty wrapping job and now I was only making it worse. I was nervous to give the gift to her. I wanted her to love it, but I wasn’t sure she would. It was nothing fancy. I didn’t even buy it at a store.
I raised my fist to knock on her door.
She opened it almost immediately. The smile on her face was contagious and I found myself mirroring her. Her dark hair hung in waves down her back and she was dressed in Christmas themed pajamas—the bottoms had dancing elves on them while her top was solid green.
“A gift?” Her eyes widened at the rectangular shape in my hands. “For me?”
I nodded, stepping inside. Scratching my jaw, I said, “You know, this is the first gift I’ve given anyone in a long time. It isn’t much,” I frowned, “but I hope you like it.”
She closed the door behind me, shaking her head. “I’ll love anything you give me, you don’t need to worry.”
I put the package down on the counter and reached for her hips. Once her body was flush with mine I made eye contact with her. “I know you’re not very happy with me right now,” I smoothed a finger down her cheek. Her eyes closed and her breath escaped lightly between her parted lips. “You have every reason to be angry. I know that. So, thank you for staying by my side.”
Her fingers clasped my shirt and her whole body shook. “I want you to get help, Caelan.” I opened my mouth to speak but she cut me off. “This isn’t an ultimatum. If you decide to go to rehab, it has to be your decision. I’m smart enough to know that.” She bit her lip and her gaze dipped down. “But I don’t know if I’m strong enough to wait till then.”
She leaned her forehead against my chest, inhaling deeply. She didn’t cry. She wasn’t upset. She was making a statement. If I didn’t get my shit together, I’d lose her. I didn’t want that to happen, but I understood. When we’d first messed around, it had been just that, but once real feelings got involved…it changed everything. For her and me. I wanted to be the right man for her, but in my gut I knew I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to walk away yet. I still had hope that I could find the power within myself to get help.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she whispered, stepping out of my embrace. “Not today at least. It’s Christmas. We should be celebrating.”
I reached for the gift once more and handed it to her. “Open it.”
