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“You didn’t ask for that, Ky. You are too good of a person for God to punish in such a cruel way. You are go
od and kind. You are the best person I know. You did not do anything to deserve that kind of pain,” he said.
“It doesn’t matter whether or not I did deserve it because it happened and I can’t change it,” I said.
Isaac pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m sorry that you feel that way, Kylie. No one should have to live with that pain. That guilt. I only hope that one day you’ll realize that it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have prevented what happened. You were going to die too, Ky. But you didn’t because it wasn’t your time. Maybe it was your dads’ time to go. Did you ever think of it like that?” He asked.
“I know that you’re right and I know that I shouldn’t wallow in my own self-pity but I can’t help it. I feel like if I stop feeling guilty over my dads’ death it will mean that he isn’t important anymore. I don’t want to forget him,” I said.
“Ky, you don’t have to forget him. It’s important that you remember and honor him but you don’t have to remember the last time you saw him. Do you think he’d want you to remember him that way? Why don’t you remember happier times? Surely you have plenty of good memories of your father?”
“You’re too good for me Isaac,” I sighed.
He chuckled.
“It’s the other way around. You are too good for me, Kylie,” he said.
“I don’t want to break his heart but I don’t want to break your heart either,” I said leaning my head back and looking up at the pale blue sky.
Isaac still had me cradled against his chest and I could feel him stiffen at my change in the subject.
“I’m used to rejection.”
“I don’t want to reject you, Isaac,” I said.
“Then don’t,” he said and hope flooded his eyes.
“I don’t have a choice,” I sighed.
“Yes you do. Did you not hear the bloodsucker?!” He yelled, now standing up. Not waiting for me to answer he continued, “He said that you don’t have to choose him! You do have a choice! Your choice! You don’t have to choose him! If you really and truly want to be with me then you can! But, Ky, I don’t want you unless you are one-hundred percent sure of who you want to be with. I don’t want a part of you. I want all of you. In fact I’d rather have none of you then have some of you,” he said and I flinched.
“But that’s the thing, I’m not one-hundred percent sure about either of you,” I said, still sitting on the ground as Isaac paced in front of me.
He crouched in front of me. “Then take your time. I’m sure your bloodsucker would agree with me. He’d probably rather know that your one-hundred percent sure of what you want. Otherwise there will always be doubt in the back of his head and my head.”
“I shouldn’t even have feelings for you. There shouldn’t even have to be a choice. Jonathon is my soul mate,” I said softly.
“Everyone has a choice, Kylie. Even you.”
Chapter Fifteen: Desperation
I am a horrible person. I really am.
The lowest of the low.
I hate myself. I really do.
No one is as awful as I am.
I make Selena look like a saint.
Ten days have passed since that fateful day that I kissed Isaac. The day I ruined everything.
And I am still miserable and still just as confused.
I haven’t talked to Jonathon or Isaac. They’ve given me my space and quite honestly I’ve been thankful for it. I’m confused, upset, and embarrassed and therefore in no state to be talking to either one of them.
