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But what has been worse than my own misery is the fact that the Pulmer’s have been avoiding me like I have the plague. Diana conveniently disappears whenever I’m around so I can’t talk to her. Out here in the middle of nowhere, the middle of Russia, I really need someone to talk to and I, unfortunately, have no one to talk to. No one but myself. And with the situation I’ve gotten myself into I’m not exactly the best person to be talking to at the moment.
So, instead I’m cooped up in the tent all by myself.
And I can’t stop thinking.
Thinking about nothing.
Anything.
And everything.
The line, “what was I thinking,” keeps running through my mind. Sitting here I can say to myself with the upmost confidence that I have no romantic feelings for Isaac. But the moment I step out of the tent my thoughts become befuddled.
I know in my heart that Jonathon is the one but that little voice in my head keeps whispering that I have more options.
If I choose Isaac I can stay human.
If I choose Jonathon I feel obligated to become a vampire.
Do I choose convenience or love?
The answer seems simple.
Why not choose the person you love?
But my situation is so much more complicated than choosing the person I love.
My choice means, life or death.
It’s all so confusing. I wish there was some kind of magical button that I could push and turn off that annoying voice in the back of my head. But unfortunately no such button exists.
I want love like every other person in the world but I also want my life. I’m not saying that I view Jonathon and his family as being dead but they are very obviously more than human. I don’t want to let go of my human life. I’ve already given up so much of my life, how much more can I give up?
Choices.
Decisions.
The path you take.
Can make or break the life you live.
The easy way.
The hard way.
Two totally different paths and my choice to make.
Two weeks later…
I unzipped the tent and stepped out into the bright afternoon sunlight.
I blinked and put my hand to my face to shade my eyes. I’m stepping out. I’m going to follow my heart. I’m sick and tired of hurting everyone else and hurting myself in the process.
I spotted him across the clearing from me at the same time that he spotted me.
A smile broke out upon my face.
Seeing my smile he smiled too.
