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AS I SAT DOWN by my bed, I must have read Cindy’s clichéd note a hundred times. I instantly knew that Cindy had left me because she was convinced that she was having the love affair of a lifetime.
My mom, Cindy Leann Pruitt, had always insisted that I call her by first name since before I could walk; it was ingrained in me. My friends had thought it was cool when we were little. Their parents, though, hadn’t, and I had always felt like I was looked upon as a latchkey kid. Most folks in our small town—Franklin Parks, Florida—expected the worst from me because of Cindy. Trust me, I wanted to call her Mom…because, well, she was my parent. And that was what everyone else I knew who had moms did. I had told her how detached from her it made me feel to call her by her first name, how other kids had looked at me like I was a new creature at the zoo—or avoided me altogether.
Today, my plan had been to wait for the first-come-first-served bus that took kids from the University of Miami back to Franklin Parks. However, Mariska and Jake, my two best friends, had called as I waited on the never-ending line and said that they’d pick me up. My beloved Ford Taurus, Betsy, had retired on me during New Year’s Eve. After I had spent some time with Jake and Mariska, I wanted to come home to Cindy.
When I’d come home tonight, it’d been silent. There hadn’t been any evidence that she had recently been here. Cindy had worn a distinct perfume that lingered in the house no matter how many times I had opened the windows to air it out.
Momentarily, I’d thought I was in someone else’s house when I’d smelled lemon and disinfectant. I had always done the cleaning here, or else it wouldn’t have been done. Walking around the kitchen after I came inside, I ran my fingers over the counter, inside the cabinets, and then the rusted kitchen table. No dust. All of the non-perishable foods I had stocked when I had been home during spring break were gone. And Cindy only ate fresh and organic foods, so it only meant one of two things: she had either taken them for her new b
oyfriend, or she had thrown my food away.
My temples began to throb. The pain brought back the times I had returned to my dorm from work and realized that sleep would be nowhere in sight because I had to study and complete assignments. The movement of my cell reverberated throughout my room. An image of Mariska with a goofy expression on her face popped up on my screen. I felt the corners of my mouth quirk up. I had forgotten to call Mariska once I was settled in. Who was I kidding? I hadn’t settled in yet. As I accepted her call, I realized that other than ruminating, the only thing I had managed to do was wash my hands. I definitely needed a nice and long shower. It was amazing that Cindy even left sheets on my bed considering how bare the house was. I mean, was all of that necessary? What a way to add insult to injury.
“Sorry I couldn’t hang out longer,” Mariska said without preamble.
Understandably, she was tired. Her parents were constantly working and she took care of her younger brother, Pete, often. She and Jake had graduated last week and I couldn’t make it because of my last final.
I massaged my forehead. Hearing Mariska’s lilting voice eased my headache some. She always had that effect on me, one of the major things I had missed about her in school.
“It’s cool,” I assured her. “How’s Pete doing?”
I started towards the bathroom to retrieve some painkillers and quickly swallowed them. As soon as I was off of the phone with Mariska, I was going to order from Luigi’s.
“He’s socializing better in school. And that’s made things smoother around here.” I heard the smile in her voice.
“Pete’s a great kid. It’s just gonna take him some time to get outta that bashfulness of his.” I recalled how much her mind had seemed to be elsewhere during the drive. “You’ve seemed stressed.”
Mariska sighed heavily. “Nothing new. Mom and Dad are giving me the silent treatment because I am going to school in Miami.”
“It’s gonna be a major adjustment for them. You’re their girl,” I carefully said. I didn’t want her to feel guilty, but I’d seen how much they loved spending time with her.
“True but since eighth grade I’ve told them all of the schools I was gonna apply to. They’ve had time to mentally prepare. None of my choices were near Franklin Parks. And they knew I was aiming for the schools in Miami and Orlando.”
I plopped down on my bed. I imagined Mariska in one of her tie-dye pajamas sets, sitting on my futon with her dark brown hair. Close to six feet tall, with a lanky build and the most beautiful sun-kissed skin I had ever seen, she could easily be a model. She had high cheekbones and dark brown eyes that really looked obsidian. I didn’t think she thought of herself as attractive, which had always bothered me. With my insecurities and my relationship with Cindy, I’d decided that I had no place talking to her about her self-esteem.
“Yes, but I am sure they think you and Jake are going to Miami only because of me,” I pointed out. “And your parents aren’t major fans of mine. Neither are Jake’s.”
“Big deal! I wanna be near you. So does Jake. Besides, I’ll only be two hours away. An hour and a half if traffic isn’t crazy. They’re acting like I won’t keep in touch. I definitely will.” Mariska cleared her throat. “And they like you, they just don’t like Cindy.”
“On top of that, they’re convinced that I’ll be a bad influence on you.”
“Then why haven’t you corrupted my virtue all these years? I am gonna do what I really wanna do, whether you encourage me to or not. Might as well be in college. And one of these days, there’ll be another scapegoat around here. Cindy and you will be hard to remember. So, how did Cindy act when she saw you?”
Her question reminded me that I didn’t know where Cindy was, or when or if she was going to come back home. The longest relationship that I recalled her ever having had lasted three months. The guy hadn’t been pleased at all when he’d found out that she had a kid. Soon after, the guy had broken up with her and she’d been in bed for a month, telling me never to have children because they’re “cock-blockers.” That comment made me feel great about my existence, about being a burden. Around the same time Cindy had been sulking about the end of her relationship, she’d advised me to start dating in order to “get my feet wet.” I’d been thirteen years old at the time. I’d started to have crushes that didn’t expire hours later and I hadn’t had a clue about what to do about it.
Since I was considered to be just like Cindy in Franklin Parks, I’d had no problem getting attention from my male peers in school, and it had brought about looks of disdain from my female classmates. No one that I knew ever spoke badly about Mariska’s character. Jake had almost gotten suspended because he’d punched some boy who’d grabbed my ass. It hadn’t been the first time that had happened. Jake had just been there that specific time.
“Beth, you still there?” Concern laced Mariska’s voice and brought me out of my reverie.
“I am still here.” I dryly laughed. “Cindy’s not here, though.”
“Oh,” she said. “Don’t take it personally. You know she’s just out for the—”
“You can come by whenever. She won’t be back for a while. She might not ever come back.”
“What do you mean she might not ever come back, Beth?” Mariska asked as if I was being dramatic. “I just saw her this morning at Walmart. I know she didn’t answer your calls in the car, but that’s not anything new, is it?”
“That was this morning. As of this evening, she…left.” I took the small note from the side of my bed and fisted it in the palm of my hand, closing my eyes. “She left me a note and basically said that she had to follow her heart.”
