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“Shit.”
The muttered curse comes from behind us, and I jerk away from Judge, spinning around only to see the retreating back of Declan. I cross my arms over my chest and try to calm my breathing before I turn back to face Judge. He’s standing there staring at me with his hands shoved into the front pockets of his slacks. My cheeks are flushed, and my chest feels tight from holding my breath to appear normal while he stands there, seemingly unaffected. The only thing off about him is the creases in his shirt left by my hands.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I admit quietly. I tighten my arms around my middle and move my eyes from his to focus on the third button down on his shirt.
“Why?” he grates, his jaw twitching.
“Because the last time, I barely survived.” He hisses out a breath, so I quickly add. “I’m not talking about my attack.” I lift my eyes. “The only thing that kept me grounded and in my head, was what those men did to me. It forced me to target my attention on something other than the pain that was in here.” I touch my chest where my heart is. “And knowing I had a small part of you growing inside me.” He stays quiet, his eyes trained on mine. “Maybe if you told me—”
“No,” he snaps. “You don’t get that until I say you’re ready.”
His words don’t anger me. They just make me sad. His body may want me, but his mind is undecided. How can he expect us to be together if he won’t trust me with something that obviously means a great deal to him?
I shake my head and drop my hands to my sides, rejection slumping my shoulders. “I need to get dinner started. Maisy will be hungry when she wakes up.”
He doesn’t reach out and try to stop me as I pass by him. He doesn’t need to. His words do the job for him.
“I’m leaving in a week.”
My stomach bottoms out. I knew this was coming. He has a life in Malus to get back to. He can’t stay here forever, even if this is the place where his daughter lives. Besides, even if he did, he’s not here for me, despite what we were just doing.
I suddenly feel like crying, which is stupid given what I told him only a moment ago.
Before I can respond, he speaks again.
“I’ll be keeping in touch with Maisy’s doctor. He already knows you’ll both be moving to Malus and has recommended a doctor in San Antonio, who happens to be one of the best nephrologists in the US. He thinks if Maisy keeps improving like she is, she should be well enough to move within a month. I expect no trouble will come from you.”
My back stiffens. The highhanded asshole. One of the first things we did when Judge met her doctor was have him authorized to access her medical care, which allows him any information he may want. I did it because he deserves to have that role. Now it only pisses me off.
I keep my back to him when I grind out between clenched teeth, “No problems.”
“Good. I’ll check on Maisy before getting in the shower.”
The sound of his feet on the hardwood floor echoes in the room. With my body tense and anger heating my blood, I continue to the kitchen, the desire I felt running through me moments ago gone cold.
I STAND OUTSIDE MAISY’S room and listen to Judge read her a bedtime story. He’s reclining against the headboard and she’s on her side with her head on his shoulder and her arms wrapped tightly around one of his. Like she’s holding on to him to keep him from leaving.
He’s on the fourth story. It’s nine fifteen at night and she should have been asleep an hour ago. As angry as I was at Judge earlier when he reminded me about moving, I can’t force myself to go in there and interrupt their time together. Especially knowing they don’t have much of it left.
“He’s good with her.”
I look over my shoulder and see Declan’s eyes trained on the room and the two people on the bed. Turning away from the heartwarming sight, I lean against the wall. As soon as Judge is done, I’ll go and tuck my girl in.
“He is, but I’m surprised you think so. You don’t seem to like him much, despite your adamancy on me telling him about Maisy.”
Declan’s eyes drift down to mine. “He had a right to know.” Guilt churns with his words. “And even if he didn’t, he was needed to help Maisy. Besides, it’s not that I don’t like the guy. I’m just making sure he’s worthy of you both.”
Grabbing my low ponytail, I pull it over my shoulder and fiddle with the end. “And your verdict?”
He looks past my shoulder again, his expression turning thoughtful.
“There’s something there, and I’m not sure what it is. He’s hiding something.” He looks back at me. “But he loves her. There’s no doubt about it. I don’t believe he’d hurt either of you. Actually, I suspect he’d protect you both with his life.” His head tilts to the side, scrutinizing me, and I shift under his gaze. “The question is, is he who you want?”
I glance to the side. Twelve years ago, Judge was all I wanted. He was everything I saw. Every part of my future, I envisioned him with me. I was young and naive back then, unaware of the cruelties of life. I’m wiser now, more experienced and cognizant of how easily life can screw you over.
In a perfect world, I’d grab ahold of Judge and never let him go, just like I told him to do with Maisy. But we don’t live in a perfect world.
I bring my eyes back to Declan. “I don’t know.”
