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Dad grins. “You’ve been aiming for that for a while now. Matt’s grown into a fine young man. Maybe I’ll join you.”
Matt just turned seventeen last week. A couple of years ago, I remember him fighting his parents on Hell Night. The last year, he’s changed. He participates willingly now. All of the adults here started off just like my brothers and me, hating what was done to us. I don’t understand how you can hate something so much but end up liking it later.
Mom gets to her feet and Dad hands me a pair of shorts. With my body hurting, I slip them up my legs. I don’t wait for him to hand me my shirt, I snatch it from his relaxed hand. As I pull it over my head, I hear Dad say, “Mmm…. She was sweet, wasn’t she. I can taste her on your lips.”
Turning away from them, I walk stiffly across the room, keeping my eyes down and away from the other people still doing sick things. Mom and Dad follow behind me. I don’t look back at them and I don’t talk to them on the short walk back home. As soon as I’m inside the house, I move for the stairs. Dad’s voice stops me halfway up.
“I expect you to do better next month, Kayn, and learn your place.”
I stand there for a moment more before continuing up the stairs without saying a word. I’ll never come to terms with Hell Night. He can force me to do those things. He can hit me, scream in my face, choke me, and whatever else he comes up with, but I’ll never become like Matt and all the other people who’’ve given up and accepted it.
I’ll either die first or kill them all.
Chapter Fifteen
ELLIE
I LAUGH AS I WATCH MAISY in the rearview mirror. Her legs bounce against the back seat and she belts out the lyrics to “Livin’ On a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. My girl is a big oldies fan.
It’s good to see her so happy. Her cheeks are pink again, her eyes holding life, and she’s gained a few pounds already. And it’s all because of Judge. He brought my daughter back to me.
When the song ends, I turn the volume down and look back in the mirror, seeing a smile so big it shows all her teeth.
“I can’t wait to see his face!” she says cheerily, her eyes dancing with exhilaration. “He’s going to be sooo surprised! How much longer before we get there?”
My heart feels ten pounds lighter as I laugh. “About ten fewer minutes from when you asked me last.”
She’s so excited, she can hardly contain it. I can’t blame her though. I’m kind of excited too. No, I’m definitely excited. We’re surprising Judge by showing up a week early. Although she’ll still need regular checkups with a nephrologist, and I already have an appointment with one in San Antonio, Dr. Snyder gave her the all-clear to travel. Judge already knows this, but he thinks I’m taking a week to get things settled in Kentucky. That was the original plan, but waiting and wondering if Maisy’s body would accept Judge’s kidney made me anxious and jittery, so instead of sitting around and biting my nails to the quick, I used my time to get everything ready.
I didn’t tell Maisy we were leaving early until yesterday. I didn’t want to mention it until I knew for sure we would be able to. She squealed so loud it rattled my eardrums. It was her idea to not tell Judge, thinking it would be fun to surprise him. My daughter is a damn good actress, because last night when she was on Skype with him, she never let on to our surprise.
Bringing myself back to the moment, I point to my phone in a holder attached to the dash.
“From now on, you can look anytime you want to know how much longer we have.” I point to the time in the top right corner of the screen. “See this number? That tells you how much time we have left.”
“Yah! Only thirty-two minutes!” Her eyes get round. “Turn it up! I loooove this song!”
I indulge Maisy and increase the volume. Another classic plays. “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood & the Destroyers.
I’ve got thirty-two minutes to get my nerves under control and see Judge again. I’ve purposely stayed out of viewing range of Maisy’s Skype sessions with him and kept our phone conversation solely on Maisy. I’ve missed him so much. More than I thought possible, which is dumb on my part. I should have known being around him for any amount of time would bring back old feelings. I thought I had prepared myself, fortified my walls against the pull he always had on me. I was wrong. Having him in my home, smelling his cologne, seeing his things lying around, seeing him every day, proved just how wrong I was.
It scares me. No, it terrifies me, because I’m weak when it comes to him. It would be so easy for him to break me again, and there would be no putting me back together this time. I’d stay broken for the rest of my life, pining after someone I can’t have. Growing old alone because it would be impossible for me to replace him.
I blink and focus back on the road. The GPS on my phone alerts me that I have a turn coming up in half a mile.
A week ago, Judge called with our airline ticket information. Luckily, I was able to change our flight. The car I’m in is a rental that’s due back in three days. We have two suitcases each in the trunk. That’s all we brought. Judge was going to hire some guys to pack our stuff in a small moving truck and pay them to drive it here. Last night, Declan came to me and suggested he do it. Since we’re going to miss him and it’ll give us the opportunity to see him again, I agreed with the idea.
My palms begin to sweat on the steering wheel as we pass the Malus town line. It’s early evening, the sun just starting to dip behind houses to the west. We pass a couple of boys on their bicycles, their heads swiveling to follow the car.
My eyes slide back to the rearview mirror to find Maisy’s head turned, watching them as intently as they are us. When she faces forward again, her eyes are sparkling brightly, and she’s wearing another big grin.
As much as I was against moving here, concerned how Maisy would take leaving everything back in Kentucky, I have a feeling I worried for no reason. She’s going to love it here. As long as she’s happy, I’ll learn to deal with my own issues.
“There it is! There it is!” she yells, pointing to the big, white, two-story house.
I pull into the driveway, noticing Judge’s car isn’t here. Even so, I turn the car off and turn to face Maisy. “You ready?”
It was a stupid question. She’s already unbuckling her belt and scrambling for the door handle. I get out at a slower pace. Maisy waits for me at the front of the car, bouncing on her heels impatiently.
