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I nod and hand her the bowl. “I’ll stay.”
“Thank you,” she says quietly.
There’s not a damn thing she should be thanking me for. Yes, part of me is staying for her, but I’m also staying for me.
She doesn’t know it, but there’s not a damn thing on earth that could force me away.
CHAPTER FOUR
RELLA
I SIT ON THE COUCH IN Trouble and Remi’s living room, my hands pressed together between my knees, anxious jitters causing my stomach to pitch uncomfortably.
As soon as Aziah and I walked in, Trouble pulled Aziah just outside the living room doors. I can still see them, but they’re talking so low I can’t hear what they’re saying. Trouble’s back is to me with Aziah in front of him. His eyes keep straying to me, and for some reason, every time they do it sends a wave of calm through me. He’s always been able to settle my nerves.
I look around the room, amazed at how different it is. Nothing reminds me of my and Trouble’s childhood home. I expected to be swarmed with old memories, for it to sweep me away into a living nightmare. Trouble and I may not have been abused in our home as children—that was reserved for The Hall—but I still hated living here because it meant being with the people who allowed others to harm us on Hell Night. Most of the time, our parents were loving and good people, but those dark nights they weren’t far outweighed the good.
When I first walked into the house yesterday, I was surprised at the warm and welcoming feeling. There isn’t an ounce of darkness left in the house. Trouble not only had the house renovated physically, but he also eradicated the evil residing in the walls.
Now, there’s nothing but joy and contentment. It shows in every family picture that hangs on the wall and every toy that litters the floor. I’m glad Trouble’s found his happiness, but I’m also envious because I’ll never have what he has.
My eyes jump back over to the doorway when Remi walks up. She’s holding a toddler with soft brown hair and beautiful, curious blue eyes. He looks to be about a year old. A smile touches my lips when he begins to suck on his thumb.
Remi stops by Trouble, and he bends to place a kiss on the top of Elijah’s head. He does the same to Remi, except hers is on the lips. She says something to him that has him smiling before turning toward the living room.
“How are you feeling?” Remi asks, settling Elijah down on the floor.
It’s still hard to believe his name is the same as my brother’s. We all hated our names growing up and swore we’d never call ourselves by them again. It’s strange how Aziah never seemed bothered when I continued to use his. I wonder if it bothers Trouble to have a son with his given name. From the way his eyes are now trained on the little boy, filled with love, I’d guess it doesn’t.
I look at Remi as she sits on the love seat across from me. “I’m fine, thank you.”
“Did you sleep well last night?”
I take my hands from between my knees and fold them over my lap. “I did.”
I slept better than
I have in years. I don’t know if it was just a coincidence or if it was because Aziah stayed in the room with me. He was in a chair in the corner when I fell asleep. I expected to wake up with him gone, so I was pleasantly surprised he was still there. He hasn’t left my sight since, except when we both took showers an hour ago. Even then, Aziah’s shower had to have been the fastest one known to man. It was like he couldn’t stand being away from me. When I came out of the bathroom after my own shower, his face was laced with anxiety, but as soon as he saw me, the look faded.
Feeling something warm and wet touch my hand, I look down. Elijah gazes up at me with his beautiful blue eyes, the hand he had shoved at his mouth, covered in slobber, now resting on the back of mine.
Children are the only people who don’t send panic racing through me when they get near me. I look down at the toddler and smile. “Hi, Elijah.”
He gives me a toothy grin, and the sight makes my heart leap in my chest. Slobber dribbles from his chin and lands on my knee. I don’t bother to wipe it off.
I glace at Remi. “He’s beautiful.”
Her smile is full of love and pride as she looks at her son. “Thank you. He’s become a handful since he started walking a few months ago.” She laughs and shakes her head.
“How old is he?”
“Fourteen months.”
Longing tightens my chest, but I push the feeling away and look back down at Elijah. He’s holding up a plastic ring in his other hand. I hold up my pointer finger, grab his hand, and show him how to put the ring around my finger. This makes him laugh, and I can’t help but laugh with him. Children are so easy to please and they’re so cute to watch. When I was a kid, I wanted a baby of my own. Someone to love and take care of. As I got older and things became worse, I knew it was something I would never be able to have. There was no way I would have brought a child into the life I lived. Now, my life isn’t filled with pain and the fear of what would happen to my child, but it’s still a dream I’ll never have. This time for entirely different reasons.
Trouble and Aziah walk back into the room. Trouble moves to Remi and sits beside her on the loveseat while Aziah moves to the other end of the couch where I am. There’s a whole cushion between us. I wish I was brave enough to ask him to sit closer, but yesterday exhausted my courage for close contact for a while. I’m still surprised I was able to touch him. Of course, it helped that he let me do it myself on my own time.
Feeling eyes on me, I glance up to find Trouble watching me with Elijah, a soft expression on his face. I wish I had the strength to go to him, to have him wrap me in his strong arms. I missed my brother so much over the years, and I’m glad that I’m here with him now, but I hate that I’m wary of being close to him.
