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Smoky shakes her head. “I’m sorry, honey, but Elvis is out sick tonight.” She lowers her voice and shields her mouth with her hand like she has a juicy secret. “He’s having a nasty herp flare-up and the Elvis costume is really tight around the crotch. The poor guy kept yelping with every hip gyration last night. Gaga is filling in for a few days until the sores clear up. But don’t worry; she still performs the service exactly as Elvis would.”
I gag. Okay, I’m normally one to encourage an overshare but that’s taking it a little too far. Drew seems to agree because he’s turning a little green.
I fish my license out of my purse and hand it to her. “Lady Gaga it is!”
She nods to the ring selection. “Neither one of you have a nickel allergy, right?”
Drew and I look at each other in confusion. “Um...I don’t think so,” I answer.
“Me neither,” Drew says. “But I thought you said they were gold.”
Smoky shakes her head. “They’re gold-plated. The nickel’s underneath.”
“Ah,” Drew and I say in unison.
While we try a few on for size, Drew leans down and whispers, “I’ll get you a better one later.”
“But these are so fancy!” I joke. “Why would I want a different one?”
He laughs before his expression turns serious. “Honey, you deserve to be dripping with diamonds.”
I smile softly. “I don’t need anything flashy, Drew.” I hold a ring up once I find something that fits. “This is fine.”
He returns my smile. “Let’s save this argument for another time. We’ve got an aisle to walk down.”
I place the rings we’ve chosen on the counter. “These will do.”
Estelle—I just noticed her nametag—nods as she scoops the rings into her hand. “Great choice.”
“Now what do we do?” Drew asks.
The chapel doors open and an Asian couple comes stumbling out with giant smiles plastered to their faces.
Estelle nods in that direction. “Now you get married.”
She instructs me to hang back by the doors as she positions Drew toward the front, to Lady Gaga’s right. Man, that’s a damn fine impersonator. I’d swear I was looking at the real thing if our officiant didn’t have a prominent Adam’s apple.
Estelle steps to the left and hits a button on the remote she is carrying. Instrumental music flows through the small room. Gaga starts singing the lyrics to “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, which is my cue to move. My eyes never leave my groom’s as I slowly walk down the aisle. He’s grinning like a buffoon but he’s still so goddamn sexy it blows my mind. I’ve never been this attracted to another man. I don’t know why everything is so different with Drew; it just is.
I stumble on the last step—damn you, tequila!—before meeting Drew at the altar.
“Hi,” he whispers. “You looked hot as fuck walking down that aisle.”
I hiccup. “Thank you.”
Gaga clears her throat. “Join hands with your beautiful bride, you gorgeous beast.”
Drew and I snicker as we link our fingers together.
“Welcome to the Hunk of Burning Love Wedding Chapel,” Lady Gaga begins. “We are gathered here today, in the great city of Las Vegas, to join Andrew Summers and Charlotte Harris in matrimony. Andrew, please place the ring on Charlotte’s finger and repeat after me.”
Drew squeezes my hand and nods in acknowledgment.
“Oh, baby, baby, baby,” Gaga says. “I’ve got a burnin’ love.”
Drew smirks. “Oh, baby, baby, baby. I’ve got a buuuurnin’ love.”
“So if you promise,” Gaga prompts, “to be my lovin’ teddy bear...”
