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“No doubt you got him off, after claiming he’d come from a deprived background and his father beat him regularly.”
“Her,” said Grace. “Her father abandoned the family home soon after she was born, leaving his wife to hold down two jobs while bringing up three children.”
“It should never have come to court,” said William’s mother.
“I agree with you, Mother, and it wouldn’t have if the girl hadn’t unfortunately been caught stealing the finest cuts of meat from her local supermarket and dropping them into a foil-lined carrier bag, to evade the store’s security detectors. She then walked a hundred yards up the road and sold them to an unscrupulous local butcher.”
“What did the court decide?” asked Marjorie.
“The butcher was heavily fined, and the child has been taken into care. But then, she didn’t have the advantage of being brought up by loving middle-class parents, in a comfortable country cottage in Kent. She’d never strayed more than a mile from her own front door. She didn’t even know there was a river running through the city she was born in.”
“Should I be regarded as guilty, m’lud, simply for having tried to give my children a decent start in life?” said Sir Julian, before adding, “Am I allowed one more chance before the examiners deport me?”
“Pass him a violin,” said Marjorie.
“A publican becomes aware that some of his customers are smoking cannabis in his beer garden,” said William. “Is he committing an offense?”
“He most certainly is,” said Sir Julian, “because he is allowing his premises to be used for the consumption of a controlled substance.”
“And if one of the customers smoking the cannabis hands it to a friend, who takes a puff, is he also guilty of a crime?”
“Of course. He is guilty of both possession and of supplying a controlled drug, and should be charged accordingly.”
“Madness,” said Grace.
“I agree,” said William. “Not least because the force doesn’t have the resources to pursue every minor crime.”
“Hardly minor,” said Sir Julian. “In fact, it’s the beginning of a slippery slope.”
“What if the landlord or the customer wasn’t aware it was a crime?” asked Beth.
“Ignorance of the law is no defense,” said Sir Julian. “Otherwise you could murder whomever you pleased, and claim you didn’t realize it was a crime.”
“What a good idea,” said Marjorie. “Because I would have pleaded lack of knowledge a long time ago if I could have got away with murdering my husband. In fact, the only thing that’s stopped me doing so is the knowledge that I’d need him to defend me when the case came to court.”
Everyone burst out laughing.
“Frankly, Mother,” said Grace, “half the Bar Council would be only too willing to defend you, while the other half would appear as witnesses for the defense.”
“Nevertheless,” said Sir Julian, passing a hand across a furrowed brow, “am I right this time?”
“Yes, Father. But don’t be surprised if cannabis is legalized in my lifetime.”
“But not in mine, I hope,” said Sir Julian with feeling.
“It sounds to me,” said Marjorie, “that even though your father would have failed the exam hopelessly, you must have passed.”
“Despite kicking a protester in the balls,” said Sir Julian.
“No, I didn’t,” said William.
“No, you didn’t pass, or no, you didn’t kick the protester in the balls?” demanded his father.
They all laughed.
“You’re right, Marjorie,” said Beth, coming to her fiancé’s rescue. “As of next Monday, William will be Detective Sergeant Warwick.”
Sir Julian was the first to stand and raise his glass. “Congratulations, my boy,” he said. “Here’s to the first step on a long ladder.”
