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“Why not?”
He shrugged. “Would you rather have something else?”
I shook my head. “I like champagne too. There’s something happy about it.”
“Yes!” He said it like my comment made clear for him what he loved about it too. “Happy.” He sighed. “Are you happy, Leah?”
“Right now, or in life in general?”
“Either, both.”
“I’m happy right now.”
He frowned and leaned forward. “But not in general?”
I didn’t want to ruin our weekend by confessing that what would truly make me happy was if he would let me love him and love me back. “I’m… content. I’m still working on my goals.”
He nodded and studied me for a moment. “Don’t settle for content, Leah.” He lifted his hand to call the waiter. “More champagne. The most expensive bottle you’ve got.”
“You are celebrating, mais non?” the waiter asked. “Engagement? Marriage?”
“Yes,” Sebastian surprised me by saying. “Life.”
The waiter went off to get our champagne.
Sebastian leaned forward. “You deserve more than content, Leah.”
“So do you, Sebastian,” I risked saying.
He looked away for a moment and then turned back to me. “You’re braver than I am.”
I didn’t understand what he meant. “You’re plenty brave. Look at all you’ve done.”
He shook his head, and I wanted to ask him about the torment I saw in his eyes. But then the waiter showed up, with another bottle of champagne and the darkness dissipated.
“Let’s drink some more happy.”
We were pretty lit when we got in the cab, but the drive to Versailles gave us enough time to sober up to tipsy. We started with a walk in the gardens and then toured the chateau.
“Have you ever thought of living this opulently?” I asked Sebastian as we walked the halls and rooms filled with gold leaf, painted murals, and crystal chandeliers.
“Me? No. I like having money, but I don’t need gold walls. How about you?”
“I don’t need gold walls either.”
“Your dad has a pretty nice place for New York.”
I nodded. “I was lucky, I grew up with money and loving parents.” I looked at him and realized I didn’t know about his childhood or life before he lost his wife and met my father in a bereavement group. “What about you?”
He shrugged. “I would say my childhood was typical for today. Absent father. Single mother who worked herself to death… literally.”
“She’s gone?” How did I not know this?
He nodded. “I was in high school when she died.”
“Sebastian.” I tugged his arm to stop him. “I’m sorry.”
He studied me. “Why? It’s not your fault.”
“I just… well… it’s sad.”
He shrugged. “Life is sad, Leah. You know that.”
Clearly, we needed more champagne to infuse happiness back into our trip.
He started walking again. “I came out okay. I got a scholarship to college, where I was fortunate to be smart because I certainly didn’t try very hard. Mostly I partied and sowed my oats.”
“The partying has stopped at least.”
He flashed me grin. “I like sowing oats.”
“Yes, I know.”
We continued on. “I met Valerie, and we had similar goals. Until five years ago, my life was going exactly as planned.”
“But not now?”
“There’s a saying to be careful what you wish for. I have exactly what I wished for, except Valerie of course.”
I had a tinge of jealousy that he was missing his wife.
“Sometimes what you want, Leah, isn’t what you need.” He looked at me then and I felt like he was looking into my soul. As if he was telling me that I shouldn’t want him because he wasn’t what I needed.
“Or sometimes we think we want something because that’s what others tell us we want or we make choices based on what others tell us we shouldn’t have, instead of staying true to what’s in our hearts,” I countered.
He studied me, and again, I saw torment in his eyes. “Sometimes you simply need to sleep in the bed you made.”
“No, you don’t.” I looked over the beautiful gardens. “The Sun King’s grandson got his head cut off because people decided they wanted a different lot in life. Of course, I’m not saying you need to have a violent revolution to get what you want, but you got where you are because of choices you made and the work you did. If you don’t like where you are, you can make new choices.”
“So easy to say when you’re twenty three and have your life ahead of you.”
I snorted. “You’re only forty, Sebastian. And you have resources. Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken at the age of 62 while broke after having several business failures.”
“You’re saying I’m lazy.”
“I’m saying if you want something different in life, then change it, don’t wallow in it.”
“You like to challenge me, don’t you?”
“Someone has to.”
He leaned forward. “I’ll tell you what. You show me how to live while we’re here in Paris, and I’ll show you whatever you want.”
“You mean sexually?”
“If you want.”
