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“I’m fucked up about it,” I admit finally, letting the truth slip past my lips. “I spent years searching for my little brother, hoping and wishing to find him. And now I know he’s right down the hall, and I’m… I’m terrified to go talk to him. I’m terrified of how the fuck that conversation would go.”
Even now, I can hear soft voices coming from the living room. I wonder who’s speaking, and if they heard me yell out as I woke up. If Dominic heard me call out his old name, would he recognize it?
I sort of doubt it, but I lower my voice when I speak again anyway, as if trying to compensate for my earlier shout.
“The stupidest part is, I keep trying to create this version of him I want him to be, you know? Now that I know he’s my brother, I can’t look at him the same way. I feel like I’m trying to find things in him that aren’t there, trying to find honor or integrity when he’s already shown me he doesn’t have any.”
Ryland lets out a soft noise beneath me, and I lift my head, resting my chin on his chest so I can look at him.
“What?”
He shrugs, shifting beneath me. “He saved our lives last night.”
“Fuck.” I grimace. “That’s what Theo said too.”
“Theo knows?”
“Yeah. I ran into him in the hall right after I figured it out. He could tell something was wrong, and he needed to know I was okay. I haven’t had a chance to tell Marcus yet, but I will.”
Ryland nods, gazing up at me. “What did Theo say?”
“That Dom turned into an asshole because his ‘parents’ were assholes. And that it means something that he saved our lives.” I frown. “But that doesn’t make Dom a good person. People can do good things for purely fucked up reasons.”
A small smile tugs at Ryland’s lips, and his hands slip a little lower, pulling me tighter against him. “Hate to break it to you, but I’m not a good person. Theo and Marcus aren’t exactly saints either.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s different.”
He purses his lips. “Yeah. In some ways. We never resorted to kidnapping. We have some lines we won’t cross, no matter what.”
Blowing out a small breath, I scrunch up my nose. “I guess I just wonder what Dominic… what Caleb could be like, if he had another chance. A fresh start.”
“Well, that’s what this is, in a way.” Ryland’s expression grows thoughtful. “He left his family. He bailed on the game. He has to know both of those things basically make him a loner with a target painted on his back. But he did them anyway.”
I let his words sink in for a moment, then lift my head and lean up to press a kiss to his lips. He drags me a little higher on his body, making it easier for our lips to connect as he drinks in my kiss like a man who’s spent a hundred days in the desert.
Drawing back, I brace myself on my good elbow, my nose brushing against his.
“You must really love me,” I murmur, “if you’re willing to even consider giving him a chance.”
“You know I do.” He lifts his head, stealing another kiss. Then he reaches up to cup my face, his hazel eyes turning deadly serious. “But I’d walk down the hall and put a bullet between his eyes if you told me to. Because I’m not a good person.”
I lean into his palm. “Well, maybe I’m not a good person either. Because I love you even more for that.”
I feel guilty staying in bed without sleeping when ther
e’s so much shit to figure out and plan, so after a few more moments of basking in the feel of each other’s proximity, Ryland and I get up and head down the hall.
It turns out my worries about Dominic overhearing us were totally unfounded. He’s passed out on the couch, his head propped on one of the armrests and his legs sprawled over the cushions.
Something squeezes in my chest as I look down at him.
I’ve never seen him asleep before, and there’s a vulnerability in his features that isn’t usually there when he’s awake—at least, it hasn’t been there any time I’ve ever seen him, which admittedly isn’t that often.
He looks younger like this, and it occurs to me that’s probably partly because he is. I’m younger than all three of my men, and if Dominic is truly my brother, he’s even younger than me. How old was he when his adoptive parents signed him up for the game?
Did he have any say in the matter?
Did they feel any remorse for forcing someone else’s child to risk his life for their family legacy?
