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My husband, Jeffrey, and I were high school sweethearts. And it seemed like everyone always knew we would be married. And once we had, it wasn’t long before we were expecting a child. So when he got into the car wreck, with me in the passenger seat, and his failing eyes stared at me as the motor roared, wheels spinning on the side of the road, well... I lost a lot of things that day. My hope for the future, my husband, and, in a mere few hours more, my unborn baby. The impact was too much, and the airbag hit my belly too hard, I guess. They tried to save Jeff, but the surgery didn’t take, and there was nothing anyone could do.
The saddest thing about it was how excited Jeff had seemed, planning to have a baby with me. Sometimes he acted even more excited than I was. He would go over baby names on the internet, and come to me with different ideas all the time. Sometimes he wanted to name the child after his dad, to keep it in the family, and sometimes he imagined funny names that would be more appropriate for a rock star’s or an actor’s baby. I guess I thought that meant he was excited, anyway.
“Hey girl, where’d you go?” Lacey’s peering in my eyes, her smile questioning. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.”
“Sorry about that, you didn’t.” I’m not really sure how to explain what I was thinking about to her. Nobody wants to hear such a sad story. Not even me. I’ve tried to forget it so many times. After all, that life is never com
ing back. Nothing can ever change that fact, so thinking about it and talking about it seems needlessly painful. But unfortunately, I can’t always control this mind of mine. “I was just thinking about getting a job,” I lie. No reason to bother her with my problems.
She seems relieved. “Oh hey, about that. Remember I told you I could ask my boss if there were any openings at the restaurant?”
“Oh yeah, what did he say?” Shit, I think. Waitressing, not my forte.
“He wants you to come in for an interview, as soon as possible.” She wrinkled her nose. “As long as you’re okay with being a waitress like me.”
I don’t really need a ton of money. Luckily for me, Jeffrey thought ahead, and even the meager life insurance he bought for our little family is going to keep me going for a little while, especially since it’s just me now. But what I wasn’t counting on was how much I needed just the interaction with people. Moving to a new place can be lonely, and working in a restaurant might be perfect to keep my mind off what’s happened. There’s no chance to think of anything, to face my past.
Or the future.
Kanen
“Why’d you drag me here anyway,” says Jack with a grin, “if all you wanna do is pick up girls?”
“Hey man, just because you strike out…”
I let the sentence trail off as I wink at him. I don’t know why my best buddy here doesn’t do as well with girls as I do. From what I can tell he seems like a good-looking guy. Blond, strong jaw, blue eyes. Good job as a lawyer. Isn’t that what they like? I guess not, because what they like is me.
I’ve been brushing off women the whole time we’ve been here at the track. All kinds. Sure, some of them catch my eye, especially that dark-haired chick from Canada. Maybe I should’ve gotten her name, her number, but I won’t worry about it. Women come and go.
Still, there’s something about her. she seems special somehow. Innocent. And damn good-looking.
“This is supposed to be a guy’s day,” Jack says. “You know I’m not in town long.”
“What, you want all my attention?” I say in a teasing voice. “You’re worse than my girlfriends.”
He shoots me a look and then does an exaggerated falsetto. “Oh Mr. Rodeo, Mr. Big Cowboy Star, pay attention to me,” he says, simpering.
It’s not too far off actually. I look over across the room for that cute girl. I’d prefer she was the one vying for my attention. She seems pretty engrossed in whatever her friend is saying. Maybe I’ll send them over a drink or two.
“Lay off, Jack,” I say, but I grin.
He can be ridiculous sometimes, but still he’s right. We don’t spend a lot of time together, so when we do it should count. He’s in town from Philly, he works in a law office—some kind of big lawyer. I don’t really care for that kind of life. But if he’s happy, more power to him.
The waitress at my shoulder is eyeing me with her big cornflower-blue eyes. She’s got some kind of super push-up bra on, because her nipples and her eyes are at almost the same level.
“What can I get you, honey?” she says, pushing her big breasts into my shoulder. I lean back a bit away from her.
“Well I’ll tell you what you can get me,” I say, raising one eyebrow. She looks hopeful—probably thinks I’m flirting with her. “You see that girl over there? Dark hair?” I nod toward Canada. “Whatever she’s drinking, send her another. Her friend too.”
Her bee-stung lower lip pouts out a little more than it was before. She’s disappointed. But she recovers quickly. “Why sure,” she says, moving farther away. “Right away, sir.”
I’ll have to give her a good tip. One thing they can say about Kanen is that I am not cheap. I may be easy but I’m not cheap, Jack used to say, but now I’m not sure if I’m even easy. I run my hands from my hair, reaching back to massage my neck a bit. It hurts from riding. But it’s worth it.
Hearing the crowd scream when I take those bulls out is kind of like an addiction. Experiencing time on the back of the bull, the way mere seconds can take on so much significance that they almost feel like years of your life, that’s also addictive.
“So who’s this chick that you sent the drink to?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” I grin. “All I know is she’s from up north.”
